Too Early...Sidenote

I woke up this morning to a brilliant blue, clear sky. I can hear birds chirping and if it wasnt for the giant amount of snow on the balcony or the icicles that could kill a man...I'd almost believe it was spring.
Is this a good sign? I would like to think so.


Talked to Jes last night. Hopefully things will get/be better. I have doubts, but if worse comes to worse I suck them up and move on. According to her I've been in a mood lately, which is due to her, but still.
I just need more sleep. I think that is the problem and the solution.
I have to be at work at 1030, and need to finish this coffee. So this one is short.
The whole point was I finally talked to Jes and got a lot out.
The end.


Kitchen Mahem

Last night I decided it was time to organize the kitchen. We had a HUGE drawer full of Kitchen cooking things, which was NOT NEEDED. So I bought a container for ontop of the stove. I also moved my mixer back into its box. I got little racks and things to make the cabinets less cluttered. I finished doing my dishes, but Im leaving Jes her two disgusting ones.

Im so frustrated here. I keep saying I can keep doing this, but to be completely honest I'm not so sure that I can. Just the thought of her coming home and bitching about the changes I made make me want to punch a wall.
I need to live alone. I need to not answer to anyone but myself, not wonder why no one can take out the garbage. Back on the issue of garbage, if you can work, you can take out the garbage.
Im not touching it.

Im so tired of it all.


I found my spine!

Tonight I stood in my living room and told Joey that when he gets a job he's to start paying a 1/3 of the rent and 1/3 of the electric bill since he basically lives here now.

He said ok.



The last two days: RECAP!

So Saturday morning I woke up at 730ish as you all know and had some coffee. I headed off to work, worried that I was going to be late so I'm haulin' ass down Route 47 to get there on time.
I end up being 20 minutes early. It was wonderful.

So I get to my register and realize Kay, the bitch of a manager, is there. My day already sucks the big one. Nanette, some lady who is very chatty, is working next to me and the first hour zooms by because we're all gossiping and having a good time.
Then it starts to pick up a bit, couple customers here, there, My coffee has kicked in so I'm a ray of sunshine.
Break rolls around and I go outside where I proceed to freeze my ass off to have a cigarette. Come back in and buy some starburst.
I spent the next hour helping people and eating starburst. It was good.
Lunch time I get my sub and head into the back, this already took 20 minutes but thats dandy, I don't mind waiting for food.

Now theres this girl, Stephanie, who smells like shit and just... she's gross ok? She sits down next to me and starts making akward conversation when clearly I am trying to eat. She starts eating and chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, (I feel like my father right now, I had no idea how annoying it was.) I eventually tell John to call me via Text and he does, saving me from the fate of the smelly fat girl.

I hide in the bathroom for a bit and then head back in, noticing that this girl has now moved to another table to bother someone else. Thank god, and yet lulzy at the same time.
I finish eating and the rest of my day was spent like this...

I zoned grocery. Which means I straightened items, made sure everything was in its correct spot and then put things away that werent. It was a blast. I don't mind doing it, but what I do mind is walking back through the area I did an hour ago only to see someone has destroyed it again. Or watching a lady drop four boxes of Trix on the floor and then LEAVE THEM THERE.

I had no idea "Maid" was part of my job.

My day is done, I buy a new coffee maker. I head home and invite Emily over. We sit watching TV and laughing at it. Jes comes home and instantly I don't want to be there. The vibe of the room changes the moment she walks in, like anger and fear and it's not cool.
I dropped Emily off and drove around a bit, singing some Queen and what not.

I get home and sit online for about 10 minutes before I let John call me and go lay down. I've been up 17.5 hours at this point and I am dead tired. 1AM rolls around and I"m laying in my bed listening to the TV in the other room, and the arguments that seem to have no point.

Finally at 2AM they are shouting so I get up, get dress and walk out slamming the door behind me. (And my family can vouch for me, I'm a lover of the door slam.) I get in my car (Trying to make a dignified exit in slippers.) and realize I forgot my debit card and ID. So I drive around for an hour, doing a figure 8 from Woodstock to Crystal lake, back to woodstock, then Algonquin, Crystal lake and back to woodstock.

I talked to John for a bit on the phone, swearing up a storm and being angry as fuck, and then I drove in silence. Enjoying it.
I got home and Jes had "Gone to bed" but when I laid down I could still hear them talking. I eventually drifted off around 4am.

This morning I got up and when Emily called we went to JCpennys to order the pictures, (Feb 4th) and then headed to my Moms to get my mail, drop off the Ipass and just bother her a bit. We then ventured towards woodstock to stop at Helping Paws to see the cats and perhaps find out more about adopting one.

Well that was a bust. Not the cats, but adopting one.
I called Jes, asking if it was ok. She flat out told me no because she doesn't want one.
I almost cried.

So we went to Walmart and I bought the Sims 2 Pets Expansion pack. So now I can surround myself with animals who love me and like to pay attention to me! Huzzah!

5pm was Emily's Moms birthday thing, which was fun as always. The Cross family is a crazy family, but they're all intelligent, funny, NICE people. Who do not question why Emily's friend is over for Christmas brunch or their mother's birthday.

I came home, took the laptop into my room and played the sims for 5 hours. And now, I'm going to go to bed. And if I hear them argue or fight at all... I'm going to scream at them. Because my door is locked and its about damn time I did something about this.

Hope you all had a better weekend then I did.


Oh Mutti, you know me so well!

Email I received from my crazy Mom.

HI its your loving wonderful mother who is missing her wonderful daughter. If your not busy on Monday we are having Rubens for supper.
Love Mom"

Haha, she knows the way to get me to come over. Bribe me with my favorite foods. God I miss her. I wonder if she'll agree to stopping over twice daily so I can bother her?


Warning: Items in blog may appear angrier than they actually are.

Due to the fact that I had to be up at 7am today, I think I'm allowed to be pissed off.

Let me explain! Yesterday I worked 7 hours, getting home at the lovely time of 10:45PM. Knowing that I had to be at work at 9:30AM I quickly devised a plan to drink some beer and go to sleep.
Well, I wanted to get something to eat before bed, but could not seeing as Jessica had decided to make fried chicken at 11PM that night.

And then, three beers later I had had enough. I was going to go to bed and it was roughly 1AM. So I crawl in bed, ready to blissfully pass out from my long day at Walmart and I jump because this horrible thumping noise.
Turns out Jessica not only thinks 11PM is a good time for fried chicken but 1AM is an even better time for laundry.

Add in the fact that those two would not shut up with the arguing and talking, I didn't get to sleep until 2am.
But I assure you that I was sorely tempted to go and say something to them until I realized I didn't want to deal with it so I rolled over and hid my head hoping for the best.

So five hours of sleep in me and I'm just really glad to have some coffee. I was so cold this morning. I woke up, turned on the coffee, lit a cigarette and went to shower.
The first 10 minutes of my shower was me standing in the hot water smoking.
Classy ain't it?

I don't want to go to work. I had some lady yesterday yell at me. I didn't fold her clothes right. "I took the time to fold them and you're just shoving them in there."
Well Ma'am to be fair, you should wash them before you wear them. And I only folded it in half again so it would fit.
She then ripped the bag off the spinny thing and slammed it down, "We're going to do this MY WAY since I'm the one paying." At that point all I could do was smile at her and be irritatingly cheerful.
But I got my revenge. When she paid with her credit card I asked for a photo ID and her card to verify it was her. She was not pleased with this choice. I then smiled, thanked her by name and told her to have "A fantastic Afternoon, and thank you for shopping at Walmart"

I lol'd all the way up to the front of the store where I promptly told everyone I could about crazy folding lady.

Note to those who will someday shop at walmart. Please try not to care if your clothing is folded. We have tiny ass bags and most clothes do not fit in them unless they are shoved or folded smaller. So do not whine about it, accept it and move the fuck on.

Or, "We're going to do it MY WAY because I'm paying."


Mornings should be at least after noon.

I have come to the conclusion that my roommate needs to pop that kid out and get on some prozac or something. She gets crabby for no reason, slamming down plates and glasses, stomping around here like the ground has done something to offend her.
Its actually kind of amusing, or would be if I didn't fear for my life.

Not that she'd kill me. But come on, she's 8 months pregant and moody as hell. I leave a dish out and shes liable to snap. But thats not going to make me put the dish away after midnight when I was at work for 7-8 hours. Hahah. Nope!

But she is gone now and peace has been restored to the land of Jen. Thankfully.

Oh, remember how I casually mentioned that writing gig I sent my stuff into? Didn't get it. Knew I wouldn't so I'm not very upset. I mean it'd be nice, but at the same time I am fully aware that most of the world has better writing skills than myself.

I'm mildly irritated with John at the moment. I told him to wake me up at 830 since tomorrow I have to be at work at 930, I figured two days in a row of getting up early would be a good thing.
He called me at 830, and then called me again at 1045.

Sigh. Oh well, I guess the shit I wanted to do today can wait, eh? Nothing pressing, of course.
I'm so crabby. I hate that I gain others emotions through osmosis. I wish my damn roommate would be happier.


Neglect is such an ugly word!

I am sorry that I haven't been here, blog. But the last couple of days have been mediocre at best, and nothing new going on other than work and my roommate issues. And you've already read all about that.
I guess what I'm saying is, I need to find something else to blog about since it would appear my life is on an endless loop of suckiness.

On the brightside, I do get paid today. And if said paycheck is super pretty, I will be getting my shiney coffee maker. Or you know, groceries. I haven't decided which is more important.
But now I have to go get ready for work and try to make a lunch in the hell hole that is my kitchen.
Seriously, Clean up after yourself, you throw a big enough stink when I don't.


Can it be?

I appear to have my roommate back. Yesterday she was gone all day and then finally knocked on my door and we sat out in the kitchen/dining room talking. Then talking in the the living room.
This morning conversation continued and she even sat on my bed to talk to me.

I am in shock.

Oh and she hates cats. LOL. Poor girl. I told her I was getting one eventually, she said she hated cats. TOO BAD. hahahah.

Oh but I forgot about conversation and how glorious it is!


Kitty says Mehr?

Well its official folks! I'm getting a cat sometime before I die.
I finally admitted to myself and others that being in this apartment is lonely as hell since my roommate hides away and doesn't even say hello to me in response to my greeting.
So I'm getting a cat. I spent yesterday watching training videos and reading about cats. Then I went on helpingpaws.net and looked at the cats. There was a pretty one named Abbey who is 2 years old and I want her.

Only problem is, cats cost money. Something I dont have a whole lot of at this point. So just to keep myself chipper and not go inside in this quiet ass apartment, I will keep thinking about Marmalade Steve Dick Martin Amadeus and hope that soon I can afford her.

In other news, I hate laundry. Cleaning is fun. And I need more diet coke.


The news is depressing

I was coming home today from work and happened to be listening to news radio, this story broke my heart.

"A Lincolnshire day-care center employee was ordered held in lieu of $5 million bail today, accused of killing a 16-month-old boy when she lost her temper and threw him to the ground earlier this week, authorities said...

Scheller said Calusinski was a teacher's aide at the center. She initially told detectives that the child was sitting up and fell backward, hitting his head on the floor. When detectives told her that didn't match their evidence, she allegedly told them she accidentally dropped the child and his head struck a small nursery chair.

Investigators examined the chairs in the room and determined "that's not possible," Scheller said.

When they confronted her with this, the prosecutor said, Calusinski confessed that she was frustrated and became angry because the child was being noisy.

"She demonstrated how she held the child under his arms and slammed him down on the linoleum floor once," Scheller said. "He rolled over, grabbed his blanket, which was in reach, and crawled to a bouncy chair and passed out."

That last part there, that I bolded... Thats the part that made me almost break down crying in my car.

Sometimes, I just seriously fucking hate this world we live in. I can't sleep and can't stop looking up morbid dead baby stories. There is a board for Army wives or something online, and they were debating if a day care provider out of her home, who went to change a diaper in another room, is to blame for a 7 year old in her care unstrapping a baby from its carseat, picking it up and dropping it. May I mention that the law requires her to change diapers in another room.

People are ignorante and hateful.
Its times like these where I strongly believe in the death penalty.


Somtimes there are no words.

First off, Good luck to Sasha who has her 1/2 marathon soon! Run Sasha, RUN!

And now, onto the lack of words in this blog.

Sometimes I miss my childhood.


Letter for Jessica

Note: I'm not only going to print this out, but I'm going to link her to my blog as well. Perhaps then she'll realize the error of her ways... Or kill me. Its really a coin toss at this point. (Typed Toin coss first. haha.)

So wish me luck, and if I manage to get home from work and not be dead, I will let you know how that went.
But now there is coffee done, and it needs to get inside me.

I have done half of the dishes in the dishwasher and all of the ones you so thoughtfully left out for me. You said we were not going to be using the dish washer due to our extremely high electricity bill so imagine my surprise when instead of doing the dishes you loaded the dishwasher.
Although I know it wasn’t the dish washer that caused our electricity bill to be sky high. I discovered it probably had something to do with you leaving the oven on over night at 350 degrees and 325 degrees.

But its ok, because I’m sure you being too stubborn to call the complex to come and fix our dryer resulting in you running it 3-4 times to dry a load helped tons too. Not to mention your inability to turn off the tv when you leave a room. (We’ve covered this already.)
So please either run the dishes in the dish washer and put them away, or wash them by hand. I have sent you a 90 dollar check through the bank, but consider 30 of it towards the next bill since some of the things that ran up that bill are nothing I did, considering my room is the same temperature as it is outside right now.

Also if you are going to fight on the phone, could you be so kind to go somewhere else so that neither I, nor the rest of the building can hear you? That would be great.
Thanks so much and hopefully this lovely passive aggressive gem will be taken to heart,

Your Freezing cold and dirt poor roommate,

My Brother is insane.

He's been on the phone with me for 30 minutes and has reminded me over and over again how much I miss him.
He's having a break down over our dad calling so much, and when he drinks he's like me. He talks, about everything and everyone.
God I love him.


American Idol: Run down

I find it hilarious when the first singer is like "Everyone kept telling me to try out. No one expects this big voice coming out of this tiny body!" And then they start singing and its nothing but utter crap. The interview always fills me with hope that maybe she'll get in and then.. You have tricked me again AI!

The second singer picked a song by Leona Lewis and Co-Written by Simon. Very sneaky and a good good tactic. She was good though, very good. It's astounding how two auditions and we break for commercial. Anyone else notice how Guy Fietti has about 8 gigs on TV now? Good job for him. I do love me some TGI Fridays.

Whats this? David Cook has his own commercial now? But what is it promoting? Other than himself it would appear. Oh perhaps it's promoting American Idol. Oh it would appear that way, now that they have moved into clips of American Idol. He is a good singer, I should download some songs by him or something. Oh yea, "AMERICAN IDOL" Lets not forget what we're watching, not after all of those commercials!

I like this girls dress. I also like her voice a bit, although it does seem rather whiny. Two girls in a row on their way to Hollywood. And greeted by a hoard of screaming girls. Although I really do like her dress. Oh someone is playing the accordion. This guy is has been trained in opera. Thats rather interesting. Almost as interesting as his low cut shirt and his unruly chest hair. :o
Oh god, the man is making a fool of himself. All that training and he's making a fool of himself. I feel embarrassed for him. I'm so glad they hate him and now he's trying again and again. Haha, this is why I love this show.

Oh clip upon clip of of people crying. OH BLACK GIRL FREAKING OUT! That is brilliant. I need to find that on youtube. "Noooooo! Ah...NOOOOOOOO!" Haha. "Later we witness an emotion story..." Because it wouldn't be AI with out one of them each episode! Horrah!

Civic commercial. Who goes to work in a suit but wears grey converse? Like no one is going to notice that? I did! Fail!
Oh look, David Cooks parents are on the show. So lets see who is up next with their Creative "Cook" Spin on songs. Some fat kid singing "Reflection" from Mulan. That was great.
"Can I start over?"
"No." haha, I have yet to hear them say that. Oh cute boy in an interesting hat. Although his insanity is a bit off putting. Von Smith, With a crazy strong voice. I like him. Lets do the hat dance sir, the hat dance of lust!
Oh! another break! At 7:30pm so lets see how long they last! Who is sponsoring today. Flex from ford!

Its a little off putting that every two minutes theres a commercial break, but if you have an over active bladder this show is for you!
Hair commerical. Thats good, you need good hair to be a good singer. God commercials are boring. Can we please stop with them and get back to the funny people? Thank you! OH! Be above the influance! What has weed done for you? Well that kid with the cheetos in his nose looks like he had a blast last night!
Wedding wars makes this commercial 6, oh now seven. And now Eight. This is pathetic. No longer will I be typing during commercial breaks. I dont have 8 minutes to fill the space. Although Fringe is a good show. Not as good as NCIS or CSI but still rather good. Joshua Jackson has come a long way from The Mighty Ducks, thats for sure.

Will Von Smith get a spot in Hollywood? That would give four Yes' which means he is the new heartthrob I bet. Thats why I watch, I want to see who is going to be the man crush of the year. Although I think this Von Smith is gay.

Can we please talk about Ryan Seacrest and his Lumberjack look today? Plaid is just not his style. I think Jason Castro's brother just admitted he was gay on national tv. "Maybe I do have a secret and I don't even know it!" And then he got a gold ticket. Oh and now a fat cheerleader. For the love of god.. no, dear lord, no. COMMERCIAL TIME!
Its seriously five minutes then 10 minutes of commercials! No wonder this show is 2 hours long for the first two weeks!

"Do you want a banana? Do you want a Banana? Because this Banana is for you!" hahaha, Brilliant! Let him through! Oh and Ryan said "Apealing!" Haha, classic Ryan!
And now a big bald guy, I hope he does well. God he's scary looking. He could kill me with his hands. Oh, Big guy has a voice. Now if he would just shave, because its like a strange clump of pubes on his face.

Kara just agreed with Randy who said no, I don't think she was aware that he had said no. I like her because she calls people out on their shit, but man she's like another Paula with less crazy.
Oh Jesus is it another commercial break? No we're talking about Jazz.

Jasmine is a bit crazy, and a horrible singer. I should try out, which is what I say every year. But alas, I am too shy. She has super yellow teeth. Wow. Haha, she just walked out with out any words spoken by the judges.
Haha someones grandma is on tv going "These are my crazy pills! These are my crazy pills!" Haha, Old people are funny. This Jessica girl has a very powerful voice. She looks like a small town girl with a crazy voice!
Apparently Simon thinks small town girl with big dreams means she stands out. I thought that was all what most of these Kansas people were? I Guess I was confused. My aplogies.
And now, commercial break!

House commercial! Oh he's fun to look at. "You don't have any family do you?" "Nope, left them all back on Krypton!"

And we're back. Oh Big black girl with a tiny black girl. God, put your boobs away before you put someones eye out. And now they are going to rap, I'm ready to lap. Fat girl is out of breath. They dedicated a song about cookies to Randy. And the fat girl cant sing. Skinny black girl is good. "We're not twins" no shit, fat girl could eat the little girl. As a snack.
And now Seacrest is getting humped by some old fat black lady.

Jamar is alright, hitting the right notes but just really loud. Really loud. And he gets into Hollywood. Good, this year they're picking ugly people as well! Oh Danny's heart breaking story is coming up! Right after the 20 minutes of commercials!

Danny's story is this: Four weeks before the audition his wife died. Thats rather upsetting, and he's now trying out to deal with his grief? Or Because people though him can see who his wife was.. Thats noble of him, although silly. (I have no soul.)
Well Danny, can you sing? Yup. You can. Hes a white guy who sings like a black. I'm impressed, and so are the judges.

I enjoy how everyone goes the wrong way, but Danny "I never wanted to be the guy who went the wrong way and I did." hahah, brilliant.
Oh jesus this girl looks like a startled bird and her voice could break glass.
And now theres a girl who is not only horrible but her teeth are something that horror movies should be made about. Fat girl. Correction, fat trailer trash. She has no neck. Haha.
"Anoop Dogg" is up, and has a good voice. Shame he's a complete nerd. Studied barbaque. Ever notice how barbaque looks like its always spelled wrong? "Anoop Dogg is in the house" hahaha. Brilliantly wonderful Randy.

May I just say Anoop dogg has some serious eyebrows. He needs tweezers and some new clothes. Oh who is this girl on my screen. "Its like swimming in jello isnt it?"

I really enjoy how they all pick a song and they all do clips of it and then the whole group sings. They did that last night and its really entertaining. The bad singers get their moment of glory.
OH FAT CHEERLEADER AGAIN! But another commercial!

Which means I will be taking a potty break. Thank goodness it's 10 minutes long because I can shower as well!

Oh Jesus @ Andrew. He's the reason for the fat cheerleader. I don't like him right off the bat. Hes a bit over the top, but overall very good. Even though he's kissing ass. "Can I just say no to all three of you?" Simon, I love you. I really do. "The cheerleaders are crying for you?" Haha, thats brilliant.

Where does a 400lb girl get a cheerleading outfit? Who would agree to sell that to her? They should kill her.
Ok, theres more of this but I'm tired of blogging about it. It's the same shit every five minutes. So, I'm done for now. Any more key points like, if I magically appear on it I'll share.

WPM Test

I'm working on my resume and out of curiosity wanted to see how fast I type. I found a site and did a few tests. I managed 71 WPM with no mistakes and 81 WPM with 2 mistakes.

John just took the test and managed 37 WPM with 8 mistakes. I'm sitting over here giggling at him and his slowness. I wish I could find a test where I typed what was on my mind for five minutes only to see what came out. Easier for me to type straight from my brain instead of reading and trying to figure out what the hell it means. (An expert from LOTR was my third and final test.)

Try it out and comment with your results, I'm so curious!

Adult Discussions? What are those?

Wendie asked in a comment if I had actually talked to Jessica about any of the things that are bothering me.
Well the answer to that is "Nope!" because I have no spine. I don't want to upset her and have her angry at me. I really enjoy bottling up my emotions until I get to the point where I'm going to go outside and stab squirrels.

I should. I know I should. But Jessica scares the living shit out of me. She's an angry girl and I've seen what she can do to people who piss her off. No thank you. And besides, it's my duty in life to please everyone, even if it means I get left behind and forgotten.

At least I haven't left a note for her yet. LOL.

The words mean something, I'm sure of it!

I'm in one of my moods where I want to write but have no idea what to say. I wanted to RP on Mafia.org but John has gone and been a doo doo head and flown to Atlanta (in game) and thus leaving me stranded in Miami with no bar to post in.

So here I am, empty daunting text box just waiting to be filled with my thoughts. I have millions of them but I'm not sure which one to focus on right now. I do enough bitching about Jes to last a lifetime and we all know I have amazing friends.

Perhaps I should write about how I don't want to work at Walmart for the rest of my life and it scares me that perhaps I will have too. I'm also worried that when the baby gets here I'm going to hate Jes and everything that she has turned into.

But if I can manage to get another job then perhaps I can move out completely on my own. Sure it'll be lonely but I don't want to move back home, and I may not want to stay here. I get annoyed with her so easily. Our electric is 180 this month, meaning I have to cough up 90 bucks and I am positive I didn't use that much electricity. I wish there was a magical way to break it down to see what outlet used what and such.
Theres no way I used that much, my room could be the fridge its that cold.

But alas, I will suck it up and move forward because I dont like to upset people, and even if I did, "She's pregnant" which is her constant excuse for everything. Like today she can haul up bags upon bags of things filled for the baby but she can't take the damn garbage out. Just because Joey does it does not mean you don't have too. Much like the dishes, you have the ability to do those as well. I know, shocking isn't it?

Ugh, I've gone off on a rant again. Perhaps this moving in with a pregnant chick wasn't the brightest of my ideas. I saw how anal she was at work about cleaning things and assumed she'd be the same way here. Boy howdy I was wrong.

I need to sleep. Mainly because if I don't I'll go suffocate her while she does.


Baby showers

If today taught me anything its the following things:

1.) I have amazing friends who I miss dearly and wish I could see more often.
2.) We are all fucking insane.

I'm going to kill her.

For the last few weeks I have been listening to Jes bitch and moan about how it takes three turns in the dryer for anything to be completely dry. I have yet to do laundry, but each time my response is "Call the office and have them fix it." and yet she still bitches.

I finally asked Joey about it last night, and he said "Oh she said they're closed on Saturdays." Why would maintenance be closed on a Saturday? Things break on saturday, important things none the less...

And since they are def. closed today I'm not exactly sure whats going to happen with my work clothes that need to be washed, or the fact that I have no socks left. But its ok, because monday before work I can slave over laundry before going to work 8 hours just to get home and have all the clothes that were in the dryer on the floor in my room. I'm totally looking forward to it.

Side Note: She can't get online to see the office hours but she can organize the kitchen and move all my shit around in there? Makes perfect sense now. You're on bed rest, get your ass back in bed or get to fucking work.

Coffee is brewing

Its 330am and I can't sleep. I probably could if I tried really hard but I finished another book and my mind is going a mile a minute. Books make me think, and when I think I don't sleep. I write. Not about books I want to write, but about life and how it relates to the book I've read.

So I read a romance and thought about John. Main character in the book was "John Kowlawsky" or something like that. I thought it was funny so I got the book, which in turn broke my fragile little heart.

This summer I'm planning on going to England for two weeks. I'm terrified. Not in the normal "Oh his family will hate me..." terrified, no the "Getting this visa is going to suck my balls" terrified. I don't know who to talk too about the letter I need saying in June, when I get back, I will still have a job. I don't know how much money I need in my bank account, if I need a copy of my lease, a blood test or a background check.

And all of this worrying is accomplishing nothing, never does. But I continue to do it anyway. I feel bad that John can come over here every other month, and my family knows him alright (I try not to expose him, he may be scared off.) but I have met his family once, I mean I have talked to them and I like them but its unfair that he's going to eventually move here and as of right now I can count the things they know about me on my fingers and toes.

1.) Sarah thinks I want to hit her in the face with a shovel (I know you read, couldn't resist.)
2.) His brother, Paul, hated the idea at first thinking John was completely insane but apparently is slowly warming up to it.
3.) His mother adores me.
4.) I drink a lot very fast and enjoy wearing the color green.
5.) I blog
6.) I am a complete nerd.
7.) I am a Guitar hero GOD.
8.) I am from Chicago.
9.) I am ... Well that about sums it up I guess. Don't need my toes it would appear.

So I will be taking their family member selfishly away from them and they know almost nothing about me. Because as it turns out I am completely useless at the spoken word. Give me a blank paper and a pen and I can write pages about myself and what I think and things around me. Sit me down and ask me questions that have easy answers and I'm set... But ask me an open ended question like "So tell me about yourself." and all I can think of is, "I like cheese."

I'm so useless it hurts me. And more importantly some how this blog stopped being about the visa and turned into how completely pathetic and selfish I am. Because I am. I always have been and will probably always continue being that way. I think it has something to do with my parents, but then again I could blame everything on my parents if I needed too and it would all make sense, no?

Where are you now Dr. Phill? I have a riddle wrapped in a conundrum covered in chocolate for you!
Coffee is done, and I'm going to sit here chain smoking and playing the sims until my mind stops racing and I feel at peace with myself again. I'm fighting a losing battle with my mind here, my body is no match it would appear.


90 Day Evaluation

Yesterday I was standing at work talking to Jessie and that other woman (Her name escapes me) and Dorthy, a wonderful lady who is training to be a CSM, comes over to me and asks if I have a few minutes to go into the back with her for my eval. I look at her, eyes wide and go "You're going to beat me, aren't you!?" And then Angela comes over and I go, "She's going to beat me in the back, Angela! Help me!" And Angela grins and says, "Why do you think I'm coming along?" and we all laugh and head off to the old vision center.

Thank god those two did my eval and not Kay or Dani because to be honest, they both scare me a bit and I don't think Kay has a nice bone in her body. Dani at least has children and I've seen her have a soul. But I digress. I told the two (Angela and Dorthy) that I was glad it was them because I could be honest, and then they started the eval.

Turns out my Items per minute scanned, (IPH) is super high. Walmart wants you at 325ish and I'm somewhere around 475. (Look ma, finally found something I'm good at!) which means I'm super awesome. Apparently theres a 10 ft rule where you smile and greet everyone within 10 ft. of you.
On a busy sunday, do you have any idea how exhausting that could get? I'm going to need a mega phone!
Oh and then Dorthy said, "Now about your Attitude and tardiness." and I was all "Whut? Attitude? Didn't you just say I was pleasent and engaging and charming and funny?" And Angela looked over and laughed, "Attendance and Tardiness." she corrected, and we all chuckled.
I told them both that I had ask to be transfered but they wouldn't let me, so I feel that if I'm going to be tardy they are just going to have to deal with it, because I'm not going to care.

Dorthy at this point told me I was preaching to the choir and that its pointless to complain about it because no one is going to care, meaning the higherups, and I nodded. "Still, its good to justify myself to someone." I told her .

Then they had me sign it and write down what my goals are. Told em I wanted to be a department head, Customer Service person or a CSM. All better paid than cashier, which is a good thing. Now to just improve a bit, kiss some ass and smile until I want to stab myself...

But, its amazing how someone saying you're doing a good job will make you want to continue doing a good job. I mean I got out there and I was laughing and joking around, I had also had a redbull, but still...
Angela kept joking about my "Attitude problem" which had us both in giggles, and then finally after I cannoed the red line, she let me go home early. Which needless to say, was wonderful.

So thats my life at walmart for the most part. Other than the fact that with the construction going on, I have no idea where anything is and neither do most of the customers. I'm answering about 20 questions a day regarding location of things, and sometimes even walking them back there to show them where it is.
Although people seem to be taking it with stride, there are some who bitch and whine and accuse ME of the disorder in the place as if I had a dream to change the walmart and on a whim ordered my bosses to destroy the stores inner organization. LOL. Stupid old women.

Theres an assload of snow outside, which does not please me. I have to brush off my car and such before work which means leaving super early again. I should invest in a pair of boots or something so that way my feet stay dry. But I hate boots, they are ugly :(

Ok, Coffee time.


Coffee, why must I love thee so?

Two large glasses in and I'm too busy watching TV to even think about sleep. I cleaned my room. Horrah for me, I suppose. Watching Made of Honor and hoping its good, because if its not I just wasted five bucks.

Scrubs made me cry. Poor George.

Edit: ten minutes in and Dr. McDreamy has been half naked twice. Good movie. And a hot car. Tomorrow I shall blog about work and the stupidity of people, ok? Good.

I hate winter.

I woke up after 4 hours of sleep to remember "Oh we were supposed to get snow." Boy howdy did we.
So now, not only am I not awake and crabby as hell, I have to get ready in 30 minutes and stomp downstairs an hour and a half early so I can brush off my car and warm it up. Then hope to god I make it to work in the hour and whatever else I have. Something tells me I will be calling in late today...

Oh well.

So I'm crabby as hell right now and can not wait to get off of work and come home to sleep. I want to curl up in my blankets right now and pretend the world does not exist. But it does exist, and it makes me very sad.

Things I should have learned by now

Tonight at work I had an hour lunch and like all of my hour lunches I headed outside to smoke, then stopped at subway and finally hit up the book section of the store. I picked out a book by Johanna Lindsey, a favorite of mine ever since I was younger. I had about 30 minutes left and headed to the break-room to read. Managed to get 77 pages in and knew it was going to be hard to put down.

I got through the rest of my shift and headed home knowing full well that I was going to read some more tonight. I forgot, that when I start a book I can not pause in the middle of it only to pick it up again later. I immerse myself in the book, envisioning the characters, feeling their emotions and rooting for good to win over evil. Every time, and you would think after 16 years of reading I'd have learned this by now, but no.

So here I sit at 2:30 Am smiling over the romance and the happy ending. Thrilled that Tristan turned out to be a great guy (Although I knew he would...even if I had my doubts in the start.) and that Bettide lived and so did her daughter. And I've realized that every time I put one of these books down after finishing it, I'm happy but then I am instantly hit with sadness.
Because if theres anything these romance, love filled books make me want to do, it's hug John.

Now I am filled with a strange mixture of emotions not really sure which one is the most important. (Probably the sleepiness) but on the upside, Walmart has caused me to start reading a lot more!


Paaaaay Day!

Thats right folks, today is the day I get paid. And as soon as I find out how much the electric bill is, I will be getting my coffee maker! I know, there are probably far more interesting things to talk about in life right now, like the war or you know, anything else.

But yay for coffee maker! Yayayayayaya!

And now I have to go get ready for work. Its going to be a long painfully boring day, I can feel it already. But when I get home, I will tell you all about it.


You will be mine...

So, I have decided since my last post that I will be getting that coffee maker. I need it. I can not live with out it. And sure 50 bucks seems a bit pricey, but it will be well worth it when I am caffeinated and no longer a raging bitch in the morning. (Think about the children!)

So if you are a kind person and wish to donate a dollar or two.. or even fifty I'm sure there is some magical way to do it on pay pal. And I will soon figure it out, I promise. But until then, please keep clicking the ads and pretending every once in a while it's something that interests you. Because since November, I have made no money off those annoying things.

I have created a pay pal account... Jenboyd620@Yahoo.com... But I have no idea how to set it up so you click a button, put in your information and BAM your money is mine! But don't worry.. I will figure it out and until then... Well... I have coffee.

Coffee, Tampons and humiliation: Oh my!

I have decided, I need a new coffee maker. I need one I can program- so that when I wake up there is coffee. I have also decided that I need one where I can take the pot out and pour myself a cup and not hear the angry sizzle of the coffee that has been left to fall to the bottom of the thing, burning up instantly and becoming nothing more than "what I would have drank."

And I have found it.

So yea, there is my coffee problem, solved. Now to discuss tampons. I am not knocked up. Aren't we all happy? Thrilled to pieces?! Meeee too. Not that I thought I was, but monthly I'm just going to inform all of you that there is no little me expected in 9 months or so. Deal? Good.

And now, for humiliation. I have been reading this gossip blog for months now, maybe even a year. I'm not really sure to be honest. But what I do know is after reading that blog for a while, I started this one.. and a few others, but this is the one I stuck with. Sasha, the woman who writes EB, has her own blog and she intimidates the hell out of me. She writes in ways I only DREAM of writing. Witty, thoughtful, making it seem like she puts no effort into it. Needless to say, she's extremely talented and I envy her greatly. (Plus she has an adorable dog named Leo!)

Well the EB is hiring and going against everything I normally do, I submitted an aplication with a link to here and some of my Creative writing peices. Normally I'd say something like "Oh, it was a waste of time." or "I'll never be picked!" because I have no faith in myself or anything I do, but this time I'm just going to tell you all that I am terrified. I dont want to not be picked, but I don't want to be picked.

What would I do if suddenly everyone in the world started reading this blog? I know it's a public and anyone can stumble upon it, but I know how unlikly that is and maybe thats one of the reasons I enjoy it so much? Because hardly anyone reads?

I don't know. I'm rambling... but hey! Coffees done! See you kids later.


Half a bottle of vodka done with, whats a girl to do?

Good lord I was shitfaced last night. I took it upon myself to personally teach this straight up Gangsta' black guy who was raised in the hood proper English. And then pestered him about his GED. And other things.

I owe him and Jes an apology for being a drunken moron.

Then I stumbled around the apartment before laying down and realizing I was about to revisit my vodka and rum. Thats right. After the vodka, I went to rum. I'm a moron.

Thank god John put a garbage bag in the trash in my room.
But on the upside, my head feels fine!



I'm drunk.

why? because I'm upset about yesterday with my father abandoning me yet again. Haha. He probably meant well, he's been calling all day. But I take things personally, I cooked till 2 am making that damn lasagna. I spent about 60 bucks on the stuff to make it and the whole dinner. But it's ok, because tomorrow I am taking it to my parent's (Judds) house since my mom hurt her back.

She doesn't have to cook and someone other than me and Emily will enjoy it.

God vodka is good.


Dinner party, whats that?

Everyone had something else to do or forgot.

I'm a bit upset, but Emily showed up and raved about my cooking- which I'm glad about. Sent her home with three pieces, two for her and one for her mother. We had fun, watched "Testees" which is a great show about these two friends who are test subjects for crazy ass experimental medicines and stuff. Like one was where they could feel no pain, so one goes to some Piercing chick who is WAY into S&M and frankly, he disappoints her with his lack of pain. The other becomes a action superstar only when the drug wears off... they hurt so bad. It was funny. (You'd probably have to watch it.)

So my father didn't want to drive all this way for home made lasagna, my brother has a job he got called away too and Andrea.. well she had a tattoo appointment. Thats right, shes having her tattoo guy come over to tattoo her in the apartment. lol.

So yea. Great night. Mmmhm.

Happy Sunday, Blog readers!

So I'm sitting here not completely awake, but awake enough to know that I should probably fill you all in on my life. Yesterday I woke up to find that although I had cleaned the kitchen, Jes couldn't be bothered to put two glasses in the dishwasher. So I decided to leave my plate on the counter as well. I'm going to do a big thing for me, and thats be passive aggressive with my actions. (No spine, etc etc.) And last night after I had made the dessert for today, I washed all of my pots and pans leaving the kitchen spotless except for the pan she used and her coolade pitcher.

Either she can wash them, or I can find other things to use. Ain't no big 'thang.

So dinner party tonight. I'm excited. I want to know how my lasagna turns out. I'm hoping its delicious. God I hope it is. I'll be crushed if it tastes like asshole. (seriously.) Desert should be good, apples cooked in butter and sugar to put on top of ice cream and then homemade whipped cream (I needed to use my mixer for SOMETHING.)

Today I work from 10:30-6pm. I'm hoping that space of time goes by rather quickly.. Sunday mornings are generally slow because people are at church and not at the Walmart, but eventually it will pick up...God I hope it picks up.
Speaking of walmart, they have drastically cut everyone's hours, so when I was hired on for 33 hours a week, I am not getting roughly 25 hours a week. Normally this would not be a problem, but since I moved out... I need the money. So long story short they need to keep up with my hours or raise my pay, damn it.

Which means Monday while I'm cleaning and doing laundry, John will be helping me with my resume. (Which means Big Jen, I will be emailing it to you for Brad to look over if you don't mind :D) because I think a desk job that pays hella better than Walmart is a good thing right about now. either that or I can work two jobs and hope for the best. (Read: Don't want to work two jobs.)

So thats my life in a nutshell. My coffee is delicious and I am equally excited about breakfast in a bit. Not to mention the lovely warm shower I should be taking in 20 minutes or so. Goodness, moving out has made my life so much more exciting! Thank god for Roommate drama or this blog would be boring as fuck!

Now, stop reading this and get your ass to church! God doesn't wait around foreve...oh wait.. Yes he does.


Apparently John is gay.

My dream told me so.

I went back to bed for a few hours. I feel a lot better now. My back is still a bit sore but the heating pad totally helped. Note to self: Sleep with that every night. Good plan, me!

So now I need to figure out breakfast/lunch.

Hello Disease.

I went to bed last night with an iffy stomach. I felt like if I tried I could puke, but after much sleep... I still feel that way.
Maybe I need food, or maybe I need more sleep? I have no idea. I do know that I want this feeling to go away because I dont like it. :(

emily is fucking around with jens computer

dear jen, just read your new years post and decided to give this whole blogging thing a try. maybe some day ill even get my own so i dont have to steal yours. i know you are stressing right now, but i gotta say, im proud of you. im so happy that you are my friend, and ive seen the changes youve made in the last few months. you have seemed kind of sad before, but since youve moved out, that has changed . you've gotten a new job, you've lost weight without even trying, and its been great hearing you snort again. i know living with another person is hard, but you'll either work it out or end up killing her in her sleep (win win either way, in my opinion). so keep on doing what you're doing and remember, only you can prevent forest fires.


To Jessica...

Dear Roommate,
I understand that you are extremely pregnant at this time, but here are a few things I think we need to work on. (Read: YOU.)

First off, I did all of the dishes in the sink last night, because they were mine. I put dishes in the dishwasher but did not run it because there is still space. I woke up this morning to a dirty bowl and spoon in the sink. Have you forgotten where the dish washer is? Have you forgotten how to turn it on if it is full? If so, let me know. I will teach you again!

Also, the garbage that is piling up. I will take out the bag today before I leave for work, because you shouldn't be carrying heavy things. But the box and the empty pop bottles are something you can carry so why are they still sitting on the floor? Did you forget where the dumpster is?

Also, the lights. If no one is awake and you are leaving, perhaps you should turn them off. Also if you're going to get food and come sit watching tv in the living room, turn your tv off in your room. Theres no one in there to enjoy it!

And please, don't think I am being to harsh, because I'm not. These are simple little things that we can both do, well I happen to be doing and you.. well not so much. And if your doctor says that you can't load or unload a dishwasher, please tell me. But until that day comes, when you're on bed rest again, perhaps you should pitch in and fucking clean up after yourself.

Love always,
Your roommate.