Happy Holidays, Asshole!

Today I went shopping to a grocery store. Yes, I knew the date and I knew the fuckery that awaited me. But I figured a grocery store was not nearly as bad as the shopping center my darling husband was going to.  Let me explain first, I quit smoking (Again) two days ago. The holidays are stressful enough, but add in my feelings when I'm lacking nicotine and rum, and well you can imagine. 

But I was blissfully unaware of this creature that lurked inside me. I should have known something was up when after waiting 20 minutes for a bus I nearly elbowed this old woman in the face in order to get on. I gave her a look that said "Your Arthritis does not rival my wait time, get the fuck behind me old biddy." and oddly enough, she did. I then plugged myself into my MP3 player and blissfully ignored everyone and everything around me. Until we almost hit that truck, I'm almost certain I blissfully shat myself at that point.

The bus pulled up to ASDA and I scanned the full parking lot and decided the best way to deal with this was to pretend there was no one around, so the music stayed on and I marched towards the doors. Before even entering I am asulted by not one, but two women screaching at me for some charity. I couldn't make out the words so I just continued on my way. Where I was stopped by a fat guy wearing a name tag, "Hi, I'm Jamal, How can I help you?" And my urge to punch him in the face came so swiftly...

But I refrained and ignored him as well, because I clearly could not hear him asking me what I was looking for. 

I found lights, I found a rolling pin, I found the other bits and pieces I needed. And then I had to stand in line. Probably the longest part of my trip, but the woman in front of me was the slowest woman in the entire world, so I decided I clearly needed to go buy more things and left that line before I killed her.

If only I had painted ASDA with the blood of the people who got on my nerves today.

I was on a mission to find blueberries, now. I wanted muffins and no one was going to stop me. Not even JAMAL. The prick. I pretty much ignored manners and people. If someone had a child walking freely, I probably ran them over. I did not care, I needed Blue berries. And cookie cutters. And Mango.

THERE WAS NO TIME FOR SMALL CHILDREN, GOD DAMN IT. 

Really, I should have known it was going to be like that when Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch" came on and my pace quickened and a sadistic smile showed up on my face.

Merry Christmas, and I hope you don't lose a limb during your last minute shopping.

Allow me a minute to rant.

Look, I know giving up is supposed to be difficult, and I know it's not easy otherwise more and more people would quit each day. I know it's something you have to work at and really want in order to get to the end goal of being smoke free. But I bet all these fuckers who tell you this have either never smoked or when they quit they got to fucking use patches. Right? Right.

I haven't smoked in 5.5 days. In Jen time thats about 170 some odd cigarettes. Which is wonderful.
For 2.5 of those days I've been with out patches. WITH OUT PATCHES.

The first three days I had some discomfort with the patches, some aches and just ignored them. Determined to quit. The third day, I laid on my arm and almost started crying because the joint pain was just unbelievable.We pulled the patch off. I slept for a few hours, still sore when I woke up. Figured we'd do with out the patch that day, let some of the nicotine out of my system.. see what happens.

Yesterday I put a patch on my forearm and not 10 minutes afterwards I see this...



Yeah. Red, blotchy, that bruise right about the word "Right" is from the patch. Awesome no? So I took that patch off. So now I'm trying really fucking hard not to march to the shop to buy a pack of cigarettes to hell with my lungs.

Make matters worse, John's about to go on night shifts so I'll have 4 days of nothing but myself to keep me occupied. Awesome. I see this as just one more step towards failure! Horrah!.

Someone get me a cigarette, I can't handle this shit anymore.

Walgreens

For the last five months I have bought my cigarettes at Walgreens. Never before have they been out of them. It's been 5 days. They received their shipment in yesterday. Yet none of them were my brand.

So to you walgreens I say this, WHAT THE FUCK?

Seriously, like clockwork I go in and buy them. Same brand. I don't get carded anymore, but no, you can't even stock them? I requested three cartons for the second week in June, and the manager agreed. Sorry, I didn't mean DONT STOCK THEM TIL THEN. MAH BAD.

Im fuming as I sit here smoking less than delicious shit :(

Seeing Red...

So tonight John went out with his friends. His parents said it was cool that in 3 months we apply for the marriage visa. I'm stoked. More about that later.

He comes home and starts arguing on MSN with his sister. I lol'd.

She turns around and posts this on my facebook :"come to fuckin england on ur own fuckin money and stop wastin johns"
to which I respond with this,
At least a continent away I still know John's not off screwing other girls. Perhaps until you get your own life under control you should keep your fucking nose out of everyone elses?

You're so damn lucky your family is too damn nice to kick you out on your ass for being a stupid self absorbed bitch. I've played nice for a long fucking time, and I ... Read Morethink you're a lovely person. But you need to get your god damn mood swings under control and stop taking it out on the people who love you.

Why don't you go verbally bitch slap your crappy boyfriend for a change and leave the rest of your family alone?



She has no idea who she is dealing with. Long ago, when she was out of her mind I told John to hit her in the face with a shovel. That feeling passed but tonight its back full force.
She is damn lucky there is an ocean between us, or I'd smack the hoe.

The last two days: RECAP!

So Saturday morning I woke up at 730ish as you all know and had some coffee. I headed off to work, worried that I was going to be late so I'm haulin' ass down Route 47 to get there on time.
I end up being 20 minutes early. It was wonderful.

So I get to my register and realize Kay, the bitch of a manager, is there. My day already sucks the big one. Nanette, some lady who is very chatty, is working next to me and the first hour zooms by because we're all gossiping and having a good time.
Then it starts to pick up a bit, couple customers here, there, My coffee has kicked in so I'm a ray of sunshine.
Break rolls around and I go outside where I proceed to freeze my ass off to have a cigarette. Come back in and buy some starburst.
I spent the next hour helping people and eating starburst. It was good.
Lunch time I get my sub and head into the back, this already took 20 minutes but thats dandy, I don't mind waiting for food.

Now theres this girl, Stephanie, who smells like shit and just... she's gross ok? She sits down next to me and starts making akward conversation when clearly I am trying to eat. She starts eating and chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, (I feel like my father right now, I had no idea how annoying it was.) I eventually tell John to call me via Text and he does, saving me from the fate of the smelly fat girl.

I hide in the bathroom for a bit and then head back in, noticing that this girl has now moved to another table to bother someone else. Thank god, and yet lulzy at the same time.
I finish eating and the rest of my day was spent like this...

I zoned grocery. Which means I straightened items, made sure everything was in its correct spot and then put things away that werent. It was a blast. I don't mind doing it, but what I do mind is walking back through the area I did an hour ago only to see someone has destroyed it again. Or watching a lady drop four boxes of Trix on the floor and then LEAVE THEM THERE.

I had no idea "Maid" was part of my job.

My day is done, I buy a new coffee maker. I head home and invite Emily over. We sit watching TV and laughing at it. Jes comes home and instantly I don't want to be there. The vibe of the room changes the moment she walks in, like anger and fear and it's not cool.
I dropped Emily off and drove around a bit, singing some Queen and what not.

I get home and sit online for about 10 minutes before I let John call me and go lay down. I've been up 17.5 hours at this point and I am dead tired. 1AM rolls around and I"m laying in my bed listening to the TV in the other room, and the arguments that seem to have no point.

Finally at 2AM they are shouting so I get up, get dress and walk out slamming the door behind me. (And my family can vouch for me, I'm a lover of the door slam.) I get in my car (Trying to make a dignified exit in slippers.) and realize I forgot my debit card and ID. So I drive around for an hour, doing a figure 8 from Woodstock to Crystal lake, back to woodstock, then Algonquin, Crystal lake and back to woodstock.

I talked to John for a bit on the phone, swearing up a storm and being angry as fuck, and then I drove in silence. Enjoying it.
I got home and Jes had "Gone to bed" but when I laid down I could still hear them talking. I eventually drifted off around 4am.

This morning I got up and when Emily called we went to JCpennys to order the pictures, (Feb 4th) and then headed to my Moms to get my mail, drop off the Ipass and just bother her a bit. We then ventured towards woodstock to stop at Helping Paws to see the cats and perhaps find out more about adopting one.

Well that was a bust. Not the cats, but adopting one.
I called Jes, asking if it was ok. She flat out told me no because she doesn't want one.
I almost cried.

So we went to Walmart and I bought the Sims 2 Pets Expansion pack. So now I can surround myself with animals who love me and like to pay attention to me! Huzzah!

5pm was Emily's Moms birthday thing, which was fun as always. The Cross family is a crazy family, but they're all intelligent, funny, NICE people. Who do not question why Emily's friend is over for Christmas brunch or their mother's birthday.

I came home, took the laptop into my room and played the sims for 5 hours. And now, I'm going to go to bed. And if I hear them argue or fight at all... I'm going to scream at them. Because my door is locked and its about damn time I did something about this.

Hope you all had a better weekend then I did.

I'm offically out of my gourd

I was royally pissed off earlier, with good reason and decided the way to deal with my anger was to take a walk. So I got my pants on and put on my shoes. Grabbed a hoody and headed downstairs. I needed smokes and figured I'd battle the rain the .52 miles to the walgreens and the .52 miles back. Turns out the temp. has dropped drastically and the rain has created an ice skating rink out of the world.

And if that wasn't bad enough it was windy and PELTING SNOW at me. But I went anyway. I walked all the way there and back with nothing but the painful icechunks being whipped at my face and my thoughts to keep me company.

I only fell once. And I pondered just laying down on the frozen asphalt and dying, but got up and continued on. The ice nearly killed me a dozen or so times, but I didn't fall again. My knee is fine and my body is starting to thaw out. I just really needed to get out and I feel much better for doing so, even if it was mildly painful.

So that was my night, and why I'm absolutely fucking insane.