New Years: The bane of my life

This morning I woke up and headed to Applebees to say hi to Jes and Jo. Ended up heading home and cooking out of boredom. Emily came over and we took down the tree. I ended up ranting and raving about nothing for an hour and Emily cleaned my entire kitchen. Which would normally be a good thing, but it means I now have nothing to do for the next few hours until I can blissfully pass out.

I hate new years. I hate being on my own for it. My friends have plans that dont include me, hell even my pregnant roommate is off doing lord knows what. So here I am all alone. I've already had one drink, dont know if I'm going to have another.

I moved out hoping that in some way I'd be less depressed and more social. Tonight proves that my hopes were full of shit. I don't want to watch tv, read, sit online or even play the sims. there is nothing in this apartment that makes me think "Oh good idea!" I'm bored out of my fucking mind and there is no one here to talk too.

I'm so lame even I don't want to hang out with myself.


A letter to John...

Dear John,
I know that right now you are thousands of miles in the air headed home, but I want you to know that I love you and you have made the last week wonderful. I know I bother you, and I'm sometimes mean and smack you around but I love you. And you didn't balk at the amount of money I spent, you didn't care how much I spent when it came to my family and you were there every step of the way while I freaked out over cooking dinner.

You started my coffee in the morning and poured me endless diet cokes just to see me smile. You dropped money like it was nothing just because you know I've been stressed out about rent. You woke up before dawn and scraped off my car. You did my dishes and my laundry, you held me tight when I was having nightmares.

You my dear are amazing, and I love you so much. Every minute away from you hurts, but I know the end results will be great. I know I give you shit, and I'm a bit of a brat from time to time but I love you, and its not about money or anything else, it's about how even when I'm mad you make me laugh so hard I'm snorting. About how I can be free and myself with you, and have no problems trying to pretend to be something else, because you love me for me. And I dear, love you for you, silly dancing, farting, and snoring... all of it. Because you, you make me a better person.

I hope your flight lands safely and we both know that until I get that 6AM phone call from you saying you are not dead I will be sitting up nursing my captain and coke worrying. I'll try to distract myself with TV and perhaps a bit of guitar hero, but I will be doing what I do best.. Worrying.

Until the next time I can hold your hand and see you smile at me, I'm not as happy as I could be, but I'll pretend and I'll make it through. No worrying about me, because I know that eventually I wont have to drive you to O'Hare anymore, and I wont have to look at the seat next to me in the car blinking back tears.

Only Two months, but it sure feels like forever.


Its been a long day.

I know you all want an update, and I really want to update. But I am tired and hopefully tomorrow I will do the 8 page update you all deserve. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and all that good stuff.


Fuck you, Walmart.

I woke up at 4:45 to get ready for work. John is an angel and made me coffee, got me yogurt and is now downstairs scraping and heating up my car for me. He loves me, yes?

But keep in mind it's dec. 24th and I have to be at work at 7am. So...



Stress? What stress?

So the last couple of days Jes has been on bed rest because she was dehydrated and ended up in the hospital with contractions 4 minutes apart. Yesterday morning she went back, by the time she got there her contractions were a minute apart.

She's home now but was ordered to not stand, move or do anything other than lay, pee and eat. This is a problem, because if she can't work this means I am fronting the entire rent myself, and that just isn't cool. I'm also now the live in house keeper because she doesn't do dishes, and now can't do dishes. She can't take out the garbage, empty the dishwasher or even vacuum.

So ontop of Rent, I'm also in charge of everything else. Can you see where the stress levels are coming in? I'm going to get some spare cash out of my savings for Rent, so I don't have to move back home.. but if this keeps up I'm going to end up stabbing myself.

I do plan on getting another job where I earn more but don't have to be at Walmart, because lets face it after taxes I'm barely making min. wage. and as glorious as I thought 8.15 was, I was horribly wrong. So if anyone knows of anywhere thats hiring, please for the love of god let me know.

And now that I have washed the dishes, I'm going to head to my Mother's so I can bake and eat cookies!

Ps. John's on a plane! Horrah!


Holy Gut Instinct!

Friday afternoon I called in sick to work, had I not I'd have been on route 47 headed towards Huntley. This is why I'm in shock...

I could have easily been in that crash, easily. I could have been seriously hurt, or even killed.
See, playing sick pays off sometimes.

Do you want a hot apple pie with that?

I just realized why America is so god damn fat. On facebook, there was an ad "Send the gift of virtual chicken nuggets." Seriously? Someone would think thats a gift? Thats... wow. I'm upset. so upset.
And by upset I mean "Hungry" because its really early and I havent eaten yet. I'm thinking toast and more toast since I have to go by 9:15 in order to get to work on time.
Thankfully its a short day today and JOHN IS HERE TOMORROW!

And I shall waste my day away tomorrow by baking cookies and eating them with mah mutti! But now I shall make some toast and eat it before donning my beige and navy for the day. Have a good one folks, I wish I had more to write about... I should write down my ranty thoughts while at work more often.



I just now realized why I can't stand David Letterman. It has nothing to do with the man, but more with his stupid moronic sidekick. That bald guy who sits there muttering though all of his bits, and then plays three notes on his keyboard like he's some outstanding player.

God he's fucking irritating.

But I have chocolate. And a fuzzy blanket. And more importantly, Chocolate.
Stay warm out there folks, it's nine degrees and tomorrow its supposed to snow and freezing rain. You know what that means... I'll be sleeping in Walmart!

Mmmm Chocolate truffle.


Dinner Party time!

So yesterday my dad came over and we went Christmas shopping. We ended up spending 170+ bucks on a 4 month old. Yes, that child is spoiled beyond belief. I'm a bit annoyed, but the girl deserves the swing. My dad has plans for X-mas eve at my other grandmother's house and my Aunts. But we decided to have a dinner here for Him, Barb, Pat, Andrea, the baby and John.

Great plan, yes? You would think that. But this is my Christmas week. Work, Work, Work, Work. Christmas Eve, up at 7am to work until 11. Come home and wrap everything. Head to Big Jenny's house. Go home and wrap more. Sleep. Wake up early to talk to John's family. Pack up the car and head to my Mother's for rasin bread and presents.

Head home on Christmas day and start cooking. People show up. Cook more. Open presents. Eventually Pass out and call it a day. Wake up and go to work.


I gotta find some things to cook. I also have to make sure Pat and Andrea are going to be included in this. Because if so I have to find something for us all to eat and I'm thinking Chicken. *nods*

And to make things even better, I woke up this morning and took my vitamins only to puke them back up. Very strange and not really sure whats going on with my body. But whatever. I ate and now will sit around doing nothing until it's time to go to work. (Oh yay!)

And Ps. Paula Deen just said, "Come on over here and stick your head in this oven!" This bitch is CRAZY!


I'm offically out of my gourd

I was royally pissed off earlier, with good reason and decided the way to deal with my anger was to take a walk. So I got my pants on and put on my shoes. Grabbed a hoody and headed downstairs. I needed smokes and figured I'd battle the rain the .52 miles to the walgreens and the .52 miles back. Turns out the temp. has dropped drastically and the rain has created an ice skating rink out of the world.

And if that wasn't bad enough it was windy and PELTING SNOW at me. But I went anyway. I walked all the way there and back with nothing but the painful icechunks being whipped at my face and my thoughts to keep me company.

I only fell once. And I pondered just laying down on the frozen asphalt and dying, but got up and continued on. The ice nearly killed me a dozen or so times, but I didn't fall again. My knee is fine and my body is starting to thaw out. I just really needed to get out and I feel much better for doing so, even if it was mildly painful.

So that was my night, and why I'm absolutely fucking insane.


Good Morning, World!

This morning is just like every morning! Horrah for normalcy! Actually, this morning I have decided that the 26 dollars I have on Itunes needed to be spent and did so by broadening my selection of songs on my Ipod. All very exciting don't you agree?

I honestly don't have much to report on. Last night I went over to Emily's house and opened my AWESOME Christmas present. She got me "Hello, Cupcake!" which is this super adorable whimsical book full of awesome and adorable cupcake ideas. I can not wait till I can try them all out!

It's only nine days until John gets here. The time has flown by, which I think has something to do with work and how its sucking out my soul day by day. I have so much shopping to do, and thank goodness Emily got me that giftcard to Walmart, because I'm totally going to be using it to get some shopping done today on my break. I enjoy not having to spend my money on other people. I'm so cheap its painful.

I got paid and my first thought was "Oh! Time to shop!" And my next thought was "Fuck.. rent.." So all in all I'm still adjusting to this whole "Not spending" thing thats going on. Helps that Im too tired to do anything other than sit on my ass and update my facebook status.

I have to go get ready for work now, but I assure you blog readers that sometime in the next week I will update again. HONEST.


Sin Wagon

When it's my turn to march up to glory
I'm gonna have one hell of a story
That's if he forgives me

Oh lord please forgive me

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition
Need a little bit more of that sweet salvation
They may take me
with my feet draggin'
I'll fly away on a sin wagon


Fuck you, Lexmark.

I have spent the last 30 minutes fucking around with my printer in hopes of getting it to scan. I've scanned things before so I know how to do it.. but apparently "Cannot retrieve application list" although it did it just fine 20 minutes ago, but didn't scan anything.

Im so close to throwing this POS out the window. So very close.
Oh and I forgot to mention that I feel like Im going to puke at any second. Any second. Not sure why, just know that my body hates me.

And to make matters worse I have to leave in 40 minutes and havent even started getting ready yet. Nor have my pants dried. Im so fucked. So very fucked.

Why am I such a try-hard?

For the last two weeks I have been bending over backwards to make sure the apartment is clean, that I dont wake anyone up and that I generally stay out of the way. Why is this? I pay half the rent and should be able to do whatever the fuck I want, and yet for the most part I walk around like I'm on eggshells or something.

I don't feel like this is "home" yet. I don't snack on food, because even if I paid for it I feel like its not mine. Its helping the weight problem, but not the mentality of "This is my new home." issue. I constantly try to do things so Jes doesn't have too. I discovered the other night, she doesn't do dishes. Interesting. She cooks, and theres plenty of food for us to eat (now that we have a microwave..) but wont do dishes, hmm?

Her boyfriend practically lives here and yet all he does is the dishes and take out the garbage. (Something I hate doing.) Now dont get me wrong, I love Jes to peices. But why am I spending my days off cleaning and sorting things while she spends them getting naked and having a grand ol' time? And I know, Im a bit bitter over it. But when I walk in there is food for me to eat, that she has cooked. But I'm still a wee bit irritated over it.

And last night she told me we should probably get rid of my mini fridge because its the thing using up most of the energy. Seriously? What the fuck am I going to do with a mini fridge other than have it plugged in and full of beverages? I guess its time to put it in storage or you know, find somewhere else to put it, like at my moms (Anyone need a mini fridge?) or something.

I've been toying with the idea of writing a book, although I have no idea what it would be about or how it would go. I'm not sure, but I do know that eventually I'd like to be published on something other than the internet. lol.

Alright, well its almost noon and I still have to eat and get ready for work. Which starts at three (I move very slowly, ok?) so I guess all in all I should really learn to stop bending over backwards to please people who arent mad at me in the first place.

Oh and sidenote: The sun is very bright here and shining on the roof that is covered in snow. Every few minutes it sounds like a body is hitting our balcony and its making me giggle.


Oh sweet mother of...

Today I had schemed with Jes' mom to set up Christmas in our house. She was going to bring over a spare tree and we were planning on decorating most of the day, because Jes would be at work. Well about 10 minutes ago Jes and I were joking about how if her car wouldn't start she didn't have to go to work.

Her fucking car didn't start.

So now, I believe Christmas is RUINED. and by ruined I mean put off for the moment. I've offered to drive her to work, and she said no. So I'm not really sure whats going to happen.

Oh and just so we're all aware, two weeks ago I was 218lbs and today I clocked in at 208.5lbs.
The moment I am under 200 I'm going to run naked through the snow screaming in victory.


Been a while..

I haven't had the motivation to write. Since I moved here, after that massive blog it's like my entire ability to string sentences together to tell people about my life, my day or anything at all has vanished. Its depressing to say the least because I love writing, and yet I'm failing at it miserably. So I am sorry to you, blog reader, but I am going to give it my best.

School is almost done with, which pleases me greatly. Not that I don't enjoy learning but its more of the "I have too much shit on my plate" right now to deal with it sorta thing. Science I'm hoping I passed, and English I gave up on. Bombing it miserably in the end. I didn't get my final paper done so I didnt bother going to the final. I had more shit to deal with than I knew what to do with myself and work kinda killed me that week.. and I can make as many excuses as I need to make me feel better about it. Long story short, I could have busted my ass all night writing a paper but my teacher is a hard grader and I would have only ended up with a C if I was lucky.
I wasn't about to spend hours slaving over this thing to get a C. Fuck that.
I barely work for a C when it comes to writing. I slave for an A.

German is a bit iffy. Got a D on my last test and dont know how the final is going to go. Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with some kids from class and study a bit. Get it all together and hopefully nail it all down and shit. Hopefully. I'd like to pass with a B if possible.

The apartment is lovely. It still needs some things, but for the time being I'm very pleased with it. Jes is at work right now, but I spent the afternoon cleaning and putting away everything that was mine. I broke down all the boxes and plan on hauling them to my moms tonight and eatting dinner there. I managed 10 hours of sleep last night but at 430pm I'm tired.

Maybe I will take a shower and then nap on my freshly made bed? This is a possiblity.


Tis the season...

Today was a good day. Woke up, had some coffee and the cable/internet guy came and installed everything. Now I can communicate with the outside world again, which makes me very happy.
Tomorrow I work from 8:30AM til 5:00PM which means when I get home I'm going to be exhausted.

But after sitting around and watching CSI NY and CSI I headed to Applebees to give Jes her cigarettes. Then we headed to McHenry so she could get her RH shot. See, Jes is A- and thats a very rare blood, and since the baby is very unlikely to be A- she has to get a shot that will prevent her immune system from attacking the baby and its blood. Very interesting stuff. Big ass Needle though.

Then I headed to Moms to eat her food and pester her as much as humanly possible. After gathering some more of my things I came back to the apartment to watch the Family stone. Now here I sit, tired but not sure if I'm ready to go to bed yet.

Warning: Super long entry

As you can see, I now have internet which means I can post my super long post I wrote yesterday.

December 4th 2008
I feel like I owe you, the readers, a good long blog about my life since last week. Since I still don’t have internet until tomorrow I thought I would start writing things down on word. Plus I have an hour to kill before I have to get ready to go to work.
Monday afternoon Jes called me before I went into work, letting me know that we got the apartment. It would appear that my credit has gone from bad to none. I squealed over the phone for a few minutes before rushing inside to start working. I told everyone there all about it and how thrilled I was. And I was thrilled. I stayed up almost all night that night packing things and cleaning my room.

Wednesday we went to the leasing office and signed the papers and handed over our first rent check. We drove to our new place and stood on the balcony enjoying our very first cigarette there. We both had to work that night, but agreed we’d come back and sleep like hobos on the floor.
I went to work and managed to contain some of my excitement, or at least I think so. I was scared; I’m not going to lie about that. But it happened so fast I really didn’t have any time to think about how it was going to change my life and affect me. Wednesday afternoon I loaded my few already packed boxes in Jo-Anne’s car and dropped them off. I slowly started putting things away, not really having all that much. Just some books, clothes and a few kitchen things, everything else of mine was in storage.

Thursday morning marked Thanksgiving, waking up at 7:30, an hour later than I really wanted too- but having gone to sleep at three in the morning, I needed it. I drove home to pick up Lavandis and his friend Zack. We headed to U-haul to meet Jes and her boyfriend, Joey, there. We rented the truck and Jes parked it in the drive in area. I went to swipe the card allowing me in, and it turns out my father had forgotten to pay the bill on the storage unit.

I swore and got really angry, but after no response when I called home I just paid for it myself. We made quick work of loading what I needed and wanted into the truck and then drove off towards Abbey Dr. We walked into my room and I realized I really had much more crap that I had thought. Jes and I started tossing things in boxes and dresser drawers as the boys carried out my things. When all was said and done, the truck was loaded and we were ready to go.
We got back to the apartment and Jes and I set about moving furniture into the right places as the boys brought them up. Jes needed my boxes so I quickly tried to unpack everything and put it away- I ended up with a massive mess in my room but figured I’d sort it out the next day.
Then I dropped off the boys at Zack's for his family’s dinner while Jes and Joey headed to her old apartment to start packing. That took about five hours and by the end of it we were all tired, hungry and mad as hell. It had been a long day and there was still so much to do.

We drove the truck back and Joey started hauling things in while my Mom and Dad drove Zack and Van back to the apartment so they could help yet again. Once everything was in the apartment I took the boys and the truck and headed back to Crystal Lake.
Now, for those of you who do not live around here and read, the U-haul thing states that you have to return the truck with a full gas tank. This is not a problem, we stopped for gas and I had the boys fill it up. The problem was when I went to start the truck, it would not start. After four or five tries I called my mom panicking not sure what to do or how to deal with it. She told me to wait till tomorrow, to which I quickly informed her I was at a gas station and that just would not do.
Thankfully it started and I dropped the truck off and then the boys and I got in the car and headed to Abbey Dr. to drop them off. I was tired and crabby and just wanted my bed. Although I did ask if I could sleep on the floor at Abbey Dr. just so I didn’t have to get in the car again.
Friday I worked 1pm to close, which is 10pm. So I had a very long day and by the end of it I wanted nothing more than to sleep forever. I woke up on Monday to head to school, where I took a German test and my Biology practical exam. After school I headed back to the apartment to pick up a few things and then off to work for a very long time. Tuesday I lounged about until I had to go to work and Wednesday marked the week of having an apartment and was also a much needed day off. I went to school and took my Biology test, hoping I passed it. Then I headed to Jo’s to help her put up her Christmas decorations.

I got home last night (Wednesday) and invited Gabi over. We made dinner and played some guitar hero until about 9ish and then I crawled into bed after the kitchen was clean. I tried reading, but in the end rolled over and passed out for the night.

Today I woke up around 8 and laid in bed for a half an hour before throwing on my robe and heading to the kitchen to make some coffee. I then proceeded to sit on the couch until noon reading my book and enjoying my cup of java. I finally got up and started to sort out the house. I tried tackling my room first but quickly learned it was nearly hopeless. I set out to attack the living room and got that all sorted and some of the Christmas things settled and what not. Cleaned out my desk drawer and tested all my pens.

Then I migrated to my room where I hung all my clean shirts and color coded my closet (hangers are also half an inch apart, my OCD is showing) and then shoved the box of shoes under the bed. I’ve slowly gone through my things throwing things away or finding a temporary place for them. I have a lamp plugged in where the light switch will turn it on (no more fumbling in the dark with a lighter to find the lamp!) and laundry is slowly being done. All I really have left to do in my room is get a bookshelf (Going to sketch one up and see if my Dad can build it for me.) and get some matching end tables for in here.

Also I have to make my bed, but for the time being my room is clean and cozy. Oh, and I found my missing shoe! I came here wearing my new Balance shoes, but two days in I for the life of me could not find it. I had one, but did not know where I put the other one. I searched and searched and finally asked my mom if she had seen it, perhaps I had lost my mind and left it there... But I found it, hiding in a box in my closet. Silly shoe, get on my foot!

I need to get some picture frames so I can make my room feel more like a room instead of a place with bare white walls. I also want to get something to put my blasted printer on unless I decide to hide it in the closet until I need it, but after a while that would get irritating.

So that is my life in a nutshell. I have moved out, school is almost done with and I’m learning how to clean. (I know, you’re all shocked.) It’s absolutely amazing how when you finally go out on your own, you realize things about yourself that you never really knew. Such as, I hate a dirty kitchen. I don’t like leaving towels on the shower curtain to dry and my personal favorite is that when the sunshine wakes you instead of your alarm, you’re in a much better mood. (I haven’t lowered my blinds since the day I moved in.)

I’m ok. Actually I’m better than ok, I’m doing great. Work is stressful, but I just keep telling myself that if I want to stay on my own, I need to keep going every day. I wish John was here to share my joy as I dance through the apartment as I clean and do my house related things, but he will be soon.

That’s another thing, I have had no net for a week now and I don’t miss it. I mean I do in some regards, because I get to talk to John on something other than the phone (And boy howdy do I hate the phone.) but I don’t miss it. I have books and my video games and I have cleaning and cooking and just plain sitting down and chatting with Jes for an hour after we both get home for work. Things are changing, but it’s all for the better.

So that’s all I have to say for now, I still have 20 minutes before I need to start getting ready for work but I have nothing left to say. Besides according to MS word this blog is already three pages long and 1,655 words. (And counting it would appear.) So I hope all of you out there on the vast internet had a great Thanksgiving and are doing just fine. Me, here in this two bedroom apartment, am thriving.

December 15th 2008

Its officially midnight, well now a minute past. I finished my beer and am now having my final smoke before I curl up in bed to sleep and figured I’d go ahead and write about my adventures at work. I got there early and clocked in. Heading to the front I stared at all the computers I would like and the decorations as well, since I’m very strange like that. I came to the conclusion that I need to buy a container of marshmallow puff before my life is complete.

The next four hours went something like this: Dancing, customer, dancing, dancing, gossip, customer, gossip, gossip, dancing, dancing, customer and break. Customer, dancing, gossip, dancing, informing CSM that I don’t want to zone anything but will pretend to, dancing, dancing, customer. Then after much needed dancing I had a few more customers and we called it a day.
So when I say things like “My job is a joke” I’m being 100% serious.

And now I am home. I have played some Guitar hero, had a beer and am ready for bed. I wanted to read but really have nothing that I could lay down and focus on for more than maybe ten minutes. (Unless it’s a guide to dancing? Perhaps.) So until tomorrow when I get the net (you know, the day you’ll most likely be reading this..) I say farewell and hope all is well out there on the internet, because I haven’t the slightest, I just hope it still exists come morning.
(ps. 4 pages and 1965 words total.)

December 5th 2008
9:44 AM

Well, the cable guy has finally arrived after I dragged my sorry butt out of bed at 8AM. He’s doing the cable first, which stinks because that means I do not have internet yet, but its ok because soon I will have television. He just wandered in here with some cord and clipped it and then wandered away. Jes’ room already has cable so I guess this entire thing is going to happen much faster than I thought it would. Horrah for that, no?

Oh! I made eggs over easy today! I flipped them and everything! No broken yokes for me! Damn skippy, It was delicious. Perhaps I don’t need to keep them on that one side for so long, but I will live and they were yummy with my English Muffin.

But now, I have run out of things to talk about so I’m going to get started on my German Extra credit so that when I finally do have internet, I can sit on it for hours and hours not giving a damn about it or anything else.


Did someone say cake?

Preacher says:
am i not a angel?
i am not violent at all

Jen says:
You are not an angel
Fat angels do not exist

Preacher says:
they do in fat heaven
clouds are reinforced

Jen says:

Preacher says:

Jen says:

Preacher says:

Jen says:

Preacher says:
touche madam
i concede the match

Jen says:
Thank you.
Takes a fatty to beat a fatty
Preacher says:

I have been changed...for good.

Well I moved out. Packed it all up, got it all out. I now half own a two bedroom/two bath apartment with Jessica. I thought it would be tough, I thought I would hate it. Turns out, I'm loving every minute. I hate that I'm constantly working, but thats fine for now. It pays the rent. I also hate how theres no net, and yet, secretly loving that fact all the same.

I came online today and was like "what did I do on here for 5-10 hours a day?" I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. But I'm having fun, so much fun. Theres a strange freedom being able to do whatever I want whenever I want and not worry about being scolded or yelled at. Theres a lovely freedom about walking into the kitchen wondering if I'm allowed to eat this or that, or if someones going to wake up and yell at me for doing so.

So far its all been very good. And when it's better (Net and TV) you will hear all about it!