This is going to kill me, I promise

For those of you who are new and don't have me on FB, I've started running. Nothing much to brag about considering I can last about 2 minutes at a jog before my fat clogged heart and tar covered lungs beg me to slow down, and I do.

It was getting better. I had quit smoking, I was eating right and slowly I was able to run a bit more.

And then my body decided it wasn't happy with this arrangement.  Before, when I would walk, I'd get these horrible crippling foot cramps that made me stop. I've learned it is because I walk too fast, and that I walk strangely. The fix for this is one of two things, 1.) Buy a pair of specially made Nikes that we can't afford or 2.) Slow the fuck down.

Guess which one I picked?

And then lately, every time I run my legs protest in a god awful way. My shins hurt, my knees hurt... the list goes on and on. And its not getting better. Its to the point that after my little phone app. tells me to walk, I'm holding my body up on the bars of the treadmill wondering why the fuck it still hurts so much.

Lets recap shall we? My feet get horrible cramps when I go faster than 2.5KM an hour. My legs, shins, knees and feet are all trying to kill me. My lungs, blackened from years of smoking aren't clearing up like their supposed to, and nothing I try is working on that front.

So someone explain to me why I'm torturing myself when I was perfectly content sitting on my ass chain smoking and stuffing cake in my mouth? I mean honestly...