Well Then, Good Morning...

It's currently 6:15am. I don't have to be at school until 8am. But for some strange reason I did not sleep last night, again. But sadly today I can not sleep for hour on end until dinner time. No, I have to go to school and learn.
God I hope Amy did the lab so I can copy off of her and not fail this class.
I spent the night watching "Never Mind the buzzcocks" which is a hilarious british Music/pop quiz show thing. It makes me LOL constantly. And by constantly I mean, seriously, I almost coughed to death. It's brilliant and makes me smile.

John is showering and getting ready to get on a plane to come to me. Which means in 14 hours I can have a hug. But what the fuck I'm going to do with the rest of my day, I don't actually know. After Bio Lab today I believe I'll be heading home to do a bit of laundry and pack my bag for the week. After that? Haven't got a clue. Sims2? It's a possibility. Nap? Nooooope. Unless I nap somewhere that has someone who will wake me up at 7. I'm thinking couch upstairs.

I wish I had something interesting and thought provoking and you know.. good to write about, but alas, I don't. My right butt cheek itches, if that makes any of you happy. And now, off to shower. I can take a nice 30 minute shower and still have time for breakfast which makes me very very happy at this point in my life.

God I need some sort of hobby.


I haz blog!

Not that I enjoy jumping on the bangwagon or anything... But I just woke up and thus you are going to be amused with LOL-Cat Macros and such until I am awake enough to form sentences that make much more since than "Ughhabahpohunamaaauhhhhh" which is what I said to John when he tried calling me this morning.

Heh. I giggled for this one.

on a side note: YAY JOHNS HERE TOMORROW!!!!!
I can't be bothered to write more, since I have tv to watch and laying down to do.


Veggie Chips, surprisingly delicious.

Spent the day playing the sims with Gabi. It was a good day, I got nothing done other than viewing some great movies I've never seen before. Freedom Writers made me cry like no ones business. I was just happy that no one died at the end. That's the best kind of movie. No super sadness at the end. Unless you're Mimi from RENT, then you should die.

John's here in less than four days now, which is wonderful. I shall have a slave to fetch things for me. (Sorry baby.) I've been vegging all day, rediscovering my love for NCIS. Not that I needed to, but it gives me an excuse to sit here watching it all day!

But alas, the commercial is over and I'm going to send this and enjoy the rest of my day.


Let me further state how wrong my mother is...

My mother asked me today if I was voting this year. She then asked me who I was voting for. She then asked me why. When I informed her the team of Mavericks were idiots, she got upset and disagreed with me.

Here's some quotes.

McCain: "Obama has been saying some rather nasty things about West Virgina lately....*Waits for boos*...And I couldn't agree with him more!"

Pailin was asked what the Vice President actually does, she essentially said she runs the senate. Way to go Alaska Barbie, you ooze not only whale fat out of your pores, but stupidity as well.

There is a reason I don't talk politics with the people I live with. They don't agree with me and that makes them STUPID AND WRONG.
I hope you stumble upon this Mom and read about the SHAME you have brought to our family. (Heh, now we're like Mulan!)

6am is rather early...

Howdy faithful blog readers,
How are you doing today? (Feel free to leave a comment answering that question.) I'm alright. I woke up at 6am for no reason other than I had to pee. I've been up since even though now I'm yawning and regretting my choice of consciousness. But I went to bed at midnight last night so 6 hours of sleep should get me through the day just fine!

Speaking of days, yesterday was quite the adventure. And by adventure I of course mean shitty ass day. Actually not horrible, but not wonderful. I woke up and knew it was going to be a shitty ass day due to the 20 missed calls on my phone. 20. Meaning I did not wake up in time for class. In fact I slept through BOTH classes even though I went to bed the night before at midnight. Good job Body, way to fail me hardcore.

So I sit around for a bit debating lunch and a nap, then Gabi calls me. We need to work on the paper. So we head to JoAnnes and read the peer reviews we got on Tuesday. Side track here, those peer reviews were ignorant and full of just judgment and rudeness that it made me feel like someone had punched me in the stomach. It did not help me take them seriously when they, themselves, were absolute morons. One of the comments was "Is the students of McHenry County College..." seriously? Is the students? I took a pink pen and corrected him...and then made note of all his notes and decided to ignore them.

So anyway, Gabi and I re-worked the paper making sure it was wonderful and perfect and most importantly done. She leaves. I rewrite the methodology and tabulations, making new graphs and making up new information to the paper. Fun stuff!
5:40 rolls around as I finish what I was working on. Packing up my stuff quickly I haul ass to Ben's where we resume reworking the paper and editing before we get to work on the power point, making sure we practice and have the entire thing finished. We do.

Ben prints some things out, Jen saves some things Gabi edits her heart out and steve reminds us all how completely useless he is. All in all, good day.

I came home to the last 20 minutes of CSI NY and then laid down to read. I was out by midnight. And that brings us to where we are now...
Which is when I log off to go get something for breakfast. Have a good day F. R's :)


Socks and their failure..

It's a bit late for me considering the time I woke up this morning. But thanks to a two hour nap after school I'm ok for at least another hour. My socks are not keeping my feet warm, which is strange since thats their like one goal. Stupid socks.

I do believe I failed my biology practical today, since I had no idea what anything was and guessed for a good 95% of it. Bu I'll bounce back, I am a genius after all.
Met with the english group, our paper is done.. Only 2 more things need to be done to it and one of those things is "Printing it out" so this is fantastic. I have to throw a paragraph in about the tabulations of the survey but I can bullshit that so fast.

John sent me some lovely flowers today. They were meant to be a secret until I told him my Mom and I were mocking him, causing him to spill the beans because he assumed thats what we were mocking him for. These flowers are absolutely stunning, and if I had the motivation to get off my fat ass, I totally would. I would take a picture and post it here for all of you to admire.
But instead I'm going to marvel at them from my seated position and hope tomorrow when I'm standing I remember to grab the camera.

Speaking of John, He's here in a week. Monday next week his plane gets in after seven, which means I have to go and pick him up from the airport. Or I could just make him hop on the bus and come out here so I don't have to drive any futher than need be. This may be a much better plan. I shall ponder it.

But I am super excited about him being here again. I miss the boy like crazy and my car really needs to be cleaned. Yup, thats how I convey my love for him. "I miss him and really need him to clean my car." I am nothing but romance and smoothness. Thats me. They call me "Doctor Loveeeee" around the watercooler. Not that anywhere I go has one, so more like the water fountain. God, I'm rambling. Im rambling so badly. Someone, come, smack me.

Oh and things I never want to hear my mother say again: "What Boner can I pull now?"
I had to tell her a few times to never ever ever ever say that again. EVER. Woman had NO IDEA what it meant and I wanted to keep it that way.
But good lord, next time you show your age and how unhip you are, please wait until I'm not chewing food.


When did Fall get here?

Shit. It's like 6:49am and I'm outside having a morning smoke, something I haven't done in months. Normally it's an "on the way to school" smoke or a "sometime after lunch" but not today! No, today I woke up at 5am having forced myself to sleep at midnight last night, and then every time I woke up, I forced myself back to sleep. It was brilliant, I feel rested and awake and shivery.

Back to the topic at hand. When the FUCK did it become fall? two weekends ago it was 80 something outside, sunny and I was pleased. Now? Now I'm shivering in a sweatshirt wondering if I'm going to have to wear socks to school.

Speaking of school, lets talk about that shall we? In my English Comp II class we're working on a group research project. Our topic happens to be haunting. I like two members of my group, Gabbi who busts her ass, and LOVES haunting. And Ben, who puts in a lot of effort and bought me diet coke for our last meet up. The third member, Stephen, is the DEVIL. The second time the group got together he didn't show up, and that happens to be the time when we managed to get 9 pages of the rough draft written. He either shows up late, or whines about how he's "SO BUSY" and needs to leave. Normally I'm the group slacker in projects like this, but apparently this time around I really feel like being an over achiever.

So tonight we're all getting together to finish the paper and theres a good chance Stephen and I will be having words. Five bucks says that he forgets to bring the last minute research we asked him to do and then whines about how "On Midnight is so late, I have a class tomorrow." forgetting that we all have class tomorrow, at the same time.. Moron.

Anyway, German is canceled today which pleased me greatly when I remembered. But I got up so early I am considering going to school early to work on the paper for a few hours. And you know, study for Biology. Yes, my life is thrilling.

Hopefully something blog worthy will happen later today and I'll update again. I know I've been neglecting you, but The Sims2 has stolen my soul.


Google AdSense

Yes, this is blog number three tonight.

I know I have people who read this since I whore out the link like a pimp on a good Saturday night in the slums..
But I need you guys to click the google ad on the side of the page *Points to the left*
See, I want to get married, but I also want to go to school. And between wedding costs, school costs, and the pesky "Getting a place to live" thing, I need all the clicks I can get.

I know I'm no genius with words, and I know I'm only mildly entertaining at times.. But if you happen to stumble upon this blog and read this post... give Google Ads a click, it happens to be 20 cents off my tuition when I finally get out of community college.

Thanks :)


Tonight I had two perfect margaritas at Applebees. Which is a lot of alcohol, and constist of esentially four drinks. Then I came home to drink a bottle of wine.
I'm still typing just fine (minus a bum finger from a knife.) If I was a normal person I'd be stumbling around, slurring and not able to type this at all. Every thought in my head would be jumbled and make little to no sense.
So why am I fine?

I managed to do dishes, run the dish washer and cook myself dinner after all the wine was gone.
I shouldn't be able to do any of that.

Perhaps now is the time when I need to sit back and look at my life and actually question,

"Does Alcoholism run in the family?"

I don't turn to it when I'm angry or lonely, I manage to control myself and only get drunk in a great while.. But is it a sign when you can down a whole bottle of wine and still be perfectly ok?
I have class in 4.5 hours and Im going to be sober. But theres still dishes to do and a shower to take and Im not going to sleep which leaves me full of wine and questions.

My parents were drunks. Thankfully I don't remember it, although I do remember beer in my moms fridge at one point but I wasn't going to ask questions or judge a woman who just found out she had aids.

But I'm sitting outside at three thirty in the morning smoking a cigarette when every house around me is dark, is there something wrong with me?
I have a long day at school tomorrow and I reached for a bottle of wine?

I'm at the point where I don't know if I should sleep, clean, shower or look up AA meetings. And I knwo the first step is admiting you have a problem, but It doesn't control my life, I don't depend on it.. I just have a tolerence that would make anyone jealous. So pray tell blog readers, what do I do?

What a weekend

I don't really recall what I did saturday, but I'm assuming it had something to do with cupcakes. Today is the day that was far more interesting. And by interesting I mean, thats the one I'm going to write about.

I'm still sick. I thought perhaps tequilla had cured me but that only made my throat stop hurting. I woke up and made lunch, did some dishes. Made some cookies, still have dishes to do from that.
My father called me, which kinda made me smile. Last few days he's been calling to make sure I'm feeling alright, I told him I was sick and Saturday I got the "Take your medicine like a good girl." message from him and today he just called to see how I was feeling.
Granted I was taking a shit at the time, so I ignored his call.. but his text message made me smile.

I am sitting outside smoking a cigarette and drinking my second glass of wine tonight, and Im seething. My brother was gone all day and I took him and Zach (His friend) out to eat at Applebees. I paid for them both, because I'm nice like that But did either one of them say "Thank you" to me? Nope.
I let him go sleep over there because I'm pissed and now know how my mother feels.

I could have sworn I had more to say, but apparently the wine prohibits my thinking.


Grape juice is love

I just woke up. Last night/yesterday was much the same as the night before. Chills, fever, aches pains and general ickyness. fever is gone, grape juice is had, and pills have been taken.
I don't want to go to the doctor, but I have have to at this rate. I hate the doctor, but I hate feeling like this even more. So maybe its time to suck it up, eh?

My parents and sister leave tomorrow for a mini camping vacation, leaving brother and me here to fend for ourselves. Normally I am fine fending, but this time they are leaving that boy. I'm hoping he listens to me otherwise I'll lock him out and since my parents don't get reception on their phones, no one can do anything :D

Nah, I wouldn't lock him out. I would ground him for the rest of his life. Which seems like so much more fun :)
Ugh, Drugs come on and kick in. I want to breathe through my nose.



It runs rampant in my body. Woke up from a nap today to a sore throat and pounding headache. Thought food and liquid would help, but now at 5am I'm sitting shivering, hurts to swallow, fever of 102 and a cup of tea that I'm fairly certain may make me shit my pants.

Is it strep? Is it the flu? Or am I just really unlucky?
I have no idea, but I do know that with out health insurance this doctors visit could be a few hundred dollars if you include perscriptions.

I spent the night playing the sims, rediscovering my obsession with it. And then once I gave up on that I spent the night watching political clips and ending with Obama's accepting the candiacy for president. (I apologize for spelling errors it's 5am and I feel like shit, deal with it.)

About half way through the first clip I realized I'm super sick. Why? Because I was crying. I cried a few more times, which is strange. A girl who before didn't give a rats ass about her country or the majority of the people in it, crying over a speech given by the future president of the United states. I promise you, if I ever cried over something Bush said it was either a.) Tears of laughter or B.) Tears of shame over his stupidity.

Coughing fit time.

God someone just knock me out for the next week. I don't have time to be sick, I have so much homework I don't even know where to start. Thank god I can spend Friday dying in my bed with the lights off.

I had something else to say but my wallowing in self pity totally distracted me, sorry.


RIP Little Theo

So a month ago John and I slaved over my fishtank scrubbing it and cleaning and setting it up again. A few weeks ago my Mom, sister and I finally went out and got fish for it. Fancy gold fish. My mom got a Calico Fancy tail gold fish, My sister got a Orange Fancy tail and I got a black Moore.

The last week I noticed Theo, my fish, was floating near the top like his swim bladder was too full and he couldn't stop floating up, struggling to swim down. Yesterday I noticed he had to struggle to stay up, and would sink faster than the other fish. Not to mention his dorsal/top fin was flat against his body signaling stress.

I checked the water last night, all the levels were normal and fine. He was hiding today inside the two pots we have, my mom thinks he was stuck. He was barely swimming, instead just drifting about. I just got home and my mom told me he died.

I love my fish tanks, even if they are a lot of work. But this is the thing I hate, The fact that no matter what you do, how perfect the levels are, the fish can still die with little reason. It's heart breaking and it makes me want to give it up completely. A dog, cat even a child will cry when something is wrong but a fish? You just have to pay attention to it and guess.

So Theo, I'm sorry I was a sucky owner and I'm sorry I couldn't figure it out and help you sooner. I hope you enjoy that big tank in the sky.

Health Insurance is for Pussies.

Since I got very little sleep last night I decided to go ahead and skip my Biology class, having a friend take notes for me. I came home and ate a bagelful, which are fucking delicious. Then I curled up in my bed and went to sleep. I woke up at 3:30pm to the sound of my parents being loud and irritating. I sat up and discovered I have a headache from hell.
Thank you, Jesus.

I made another bagelful and grabbed a bag of cheetos for a snack. Came downstairs and realized "Oh, my throat is killing me on one side." and it feels a lot like strep. And before anyone goes "Oh how do you know what that feels like?" Look, I should of had my tonsils out years ago... I know what it feels like.
I'm secretly hoping that this is one of those "Sore throats" that goes away after you wake up a bit. But it's been about 2.5 hours since I woke up, and it still hurts. So only time will tell.

German test was not as horrible as I had thought, which pleased me greatly. I was a bit freaked out about it, but I took it and true to form, I'm far smarter than I give myself credit for. It's going to be 2 weeks before we get the tests back, since our teacher is a bit slow... But as long as the grade gets posted on Angel in a week I'll be happy.

Nothing really to write about other than school.. My days are mundane and boring as of late, or at least I feel they are. Perhaps to a nun my days are thrilling, driving around with my windows down, screaming at the top of my lungs to the radio and chain smoking Camel Crush cigarettes until I'm a hacking mess either due to the bug that's now living in my wind pipe or the 5 cigarettes I had, no one is certain.

OH! Biology lab test? I managed a B on it. Which means I AM NOT STUPID. You can't see me but I'm totally doing the \o/ cheery guy right now.

Parents are going out of town this weekend. You know what that means! BAKED GOODS AT JEN'S HOUSE! I'm excited. Pancakes, cupcakes, Cake cakes! Oh My!

And before I go into a diabetic coma just thinking about all the goodies, I'm going to get some pants on and head to the store. I need a cigarette and quite possibly a good dose of Penicillin.


The Second Debate

I watched the debate tonight and can officially say that 1.) Thats the first one I've ever watched start to finish and 2.) halfway through it I was so fed up with McCain badmouthing Obama and cracking crap jokes I had to pour myself a drink.

Last election I voted on what others around me said "Bush is evil, we don't want him in the whitehouse!" and something about "Gay Boot camp" to turn the fags straight. So I headed off to the polls with my shiny new registration card and voted for Kerry.
And like most Americans I was outraged to hear that Kerry had not won, in fact I cursed Ohio pretending like I had a clue about what was going on.
Truth be told, I didn't and for the most part I still don't.

My second Election is coming up and I thought this time around I'd try to be better informed, try to pick based on what they believed, policies and how they presented themselves... well hot damn, Obama presented himself as a black kid raised by a single mom working two jobs, a black man who worked HARD to get where he's gotten to. A man, no race needed at this time, running for office who doesn't have his daddy or his mommy to thank for his wealth, power or influence.

Plus the guy is BLACK. (I know Oh shit, oh shit!)

So in four weeks I will march, or you know, drive.. my happy ass over to that beach four blocks from my house. I'll stand in line and vote for Obama. I knew this the moment I learned he was running, I knew this the moment he beat out Hilary.. Why?

Because even if he DOESN'T WIN (Which I will then curse Ohio.. or whatever state gets counted last.. I'm not even sure how it works..) he's gone and set an example that needed to be set. That Black kids living in low class can work hard and with love, support and a brain.. can be whatever the FUCK they want to be.

Did you know that my brother, Lavandis, didn't even utter the words "I wanna go to college" until Obama started being mentioned regularly in our household? That my sister, Hope, now wants to resume her dream of being the first zooologist black woman to run this country?
And that I, have finally taken an interest in what goes on around me, enough to sit and suffer through the debate, to read about the issues, the quotes, the facts and watch the broadcasts?

It's amazing what one man, who rose up from nothing, has done to not only my house.. but to homes all across the country. Maybe McCain will win, he is our "Friend" after all, but at the end of the election, who inspired more people?

Obama gets my vote.

Taking control?

Today we had English. For those of you who don't talk to me on a daily basis, we're doing a research project as a group regarding hauntings.

So far I've done the majority of the work. Today we handed out surveys. I spent 30 bucks on donuts so we'd have them to hand out. 30 bucks.. how crazy is that?
Well the group discussed getting together sometime during the week to get the surveys counted and the results tallied.
So what did I do? I spent the afternoon counting, tallying and making pie charts on Power point for it. On top of that I have typed up the 9 pages thus far, and have put myself in charge of the "Day by day update" regarding our project.

So here I am worried that I'm not going to get a good grade with my group and thus I have taken complete control and am now stressed and have far too much on my plate.
Take a moment to appreciate that the cat is now licking his asshole. Thanks Kitty.
And then he sneezed and is now glaring at me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to blog about him giving himself a rim-job.

And back on subject..
I have a German test tomorrow which normally would be no problem. But I'm not sure on some of the plural forms and the articles. I need a drink, and some relaxing time. But sadly, I have to grab some text books and get to work.
Wish me luck folks, wish me lots of luck. And have a drink for me, a strong one.


Day Four

Things That I know...

I shouldn't eat pancakes at midnight.
I shouldn't smoke a pack a day
Diet coke is really bad for you
I can't breathe through my nose
I should have worked out today
eating past 7pm is unhealthy
Cake sounds delicious right now

Things that I wish I knew about 2 hours ago
My nose is still going to be clogged
That chocolate bar was not going to sit right
That waking up john would suck
That I still had German homework to do
What were the leftovers (And why did I eat them?)
how to throw a right hook perfectly.

So far today I've been bad and unhealthy and just plain fat.
Oh well.


Just another Saturday...

It's Saturday night and here I am sitting at JoAnnes. I don't have a problem with this, although I do have a problem with the fact that I'm completely alone. Theres a handle of Captain in the kitchen and I'm tempted to pour myself a drink.
But I wont. I refuse to turn into my parents, drinking because I'm lonely.
And that's what I am.. Lonely.

Andrea called me today. She need 160 bucks for rent. (Andrea is my brother's girlfriend) of course she doesn't call me because she wants to hang out.. doesn't call me beacause she needs a friend.. She calls me because she needs money. It hurt.
And of course, I'm going to give it to her because I have no spine.
Shame, I wish I had a spine.

My brain is a tizzy of activity yet when I put my fingers to the keyboard it draws a blank. What the hell is wrong with me?