I've moved, officially, you can follow me at 3500 Miles From Normal for updates about how thats going. For those who aren't my mother, here is a more serious update.
I have found myself, in moments of solitude, thinking "holy crap, I live here now." and I don't think it's fully hit me just yet. It still feels like a very strange visit, where I have to cook, clean and wake up at normal times.
I get moments where I'll drift into thought, and come out of them a bit sadder than I was before I took my mental wander. Deschaun turned one year old on Sunday, and I nearly cried as I wrote out his birthday card.
This is the biggest adventure I'm ever going to get to take, and I'm having a blast- but I'm missing so much that just kills me. Like Alex is turning Six soon, and that means he's going to start losing teeth. That alone is going to be an astounding production, and I really hate not being there to hear all about the tooth fairy.
Pat hasn't spoken to me since before I left and I have no idea if we're ok or if he's mad or what. Its a normal thing with us, to drift apart for a while, but I know I can't just hop in a car and go see him. Same with Sandra and Andrea, can't see them either.
This is going to end up being one of the most difficult things I've had to do, but I admit the good outweighs the bad, but I am a sentimental fool who thinks everything in mah Little Kid's lives are important, from first birthdays all the way to Tooth fairy visits.
Clearly the only solution to this melancholy I'm feeling is for John to impregnate me. (Kidding, of course.) or you know, get me a pet of some sort. Which means we're getting a fish tank soon, so I can have fish that I can.. Uhm... watch with extreme interest.
Granted, if things get really bad and I start getting overly sad and emotional, I can just make all of you in the sims! And then I will control your little worlds! Brilliant idea, me!
But seriously, I'm fine. I'm great. I just have moments where I get lost in thought. I wouldn't change a thing about my life at this moment, other than make the ocean a bit smaller. I keep getting the questions, "Do you miss them? Do you think they miss you?" And I always reply with, "They haven't had a chance to miss me yet! Give it time!" which is true. A month or so, yeah I'll be homesick, but I can always come back for a week just to say hi if it gets really bad, I've made sure of it and John is nothing but wonderful and completely understands that it might be the case.
So thats my update, I'm safe and happy. I promise. And even if I haven't had time, theres not a moment a day goes by that the majority of my friends and family don't pass through my brain at least once.
Ps. Big Jenny, I'm sending the Kid's Bday cards early because once I get a job I imagine I will lose the awesomeness that is the (popup!) cards I purchased. Hide them away. Will be sending more awesome cards that you can dole out on days when they are behaved or whatever you parents do for stuff like that.
pps. No buttermilk here thus no Hidden valley ranch.
ppps. Diet coke not the same.
pppps. Its like 32 degrees which isn't bad, but the wind... it makes me sad.
ppppps. <3
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
2/11/2010
7/08/2009
Death and lack of Emotion
The problem I find in the last two days is my lack of emotion. At times I forget that my grandma has died. My sister's husband, Brad, asked me how I was and I responded with an over enthusiastic "Dandy!" and he looked and me strange. My inner monologue went something like this, "Oh right, you're grieving. Stupid Jen."
I don't feel upset. I'm not happy. Well I am, just not in regards to her death. I'm just.. I'm so Jaded.
At my Mom's funeral I cried. At my grandpa's funeral I cried and then played pokemon. This time around, the last of that side of my family being gone, I can't imagine I'll feel anything. And it's worrysome.
I bottle my emotions, I've gotten really good at it. And I'm scared that maybe, just maybe, when the bottle is full I'll lose my mind and everyone around me will suffer.
Maybe the biggest difference this time around is I have an amazing support group. Emily, John, My sister, my parents... people who I took for granted/didn't know then and now..
Or maybe I really am just numb to death. But no one else die so we can test it out, ok? That'd be awesome. Everyone keep living.
Ps. Micheal Jacksons death didn't even make me sad.
I don't feel upset. I'm not happy. Well I am, just not in regards to her death. I'm just.. I'm so Jaded.
At my Mom's funeral I cried. At my grandpa's funeral I cried and then played pokemon. This time around, the last of that side of my family being gone, I can't imagine I'll feel anything. And it's worrysome.
I bottle my emotions, I've gotten really good at it. And I'm scared that maybe, just maybe, when the bottle is full I'll lose my mind and everyone around me will suffer.
Maybe the biggest difference this time around is I have an amazing support group. Emily, John, My sister, my parents... people who I took for granted/didn't know then and now..
Or maybe I really am just numb to death. But no one else die so we can test it out, ok? That'd be awesome. Everyone keep living.
Ps. Micheal Jacksons death didn't even make me sad.
5/30/2009
Shout out
Just wanna give a shout out to the two Canadians who viewed my site. Rock on, and welcome to America.
I suppose I should tell you about my day, but to be honest it was the same shit I deal with every day, only difference is that it was way to fucking early to be awake. I made it through, barely.
But if we can take a moment to be serious, I'm not the praying type. Perhaps one of you are? (Is? Are? Because? Fuck it's 330am. Leave me be!)
My friend from work, Penny, who is the sweetest, funniest, fattest cashier we have, (I'm not insulting her, she'd laugh.) is going on a leave of absence due to the large Lemon like tumor, and then grapefruit like tumor that both have attached themselves to her lady bits. (Sorry about the Kidney stone, when life hands you lemons.. Hope they aren't near your uterus? I don't know.)
So, yeah, I've been worried about her. We all have. She's told very few. Some are gentle and kind about asking and inquiring about her health and how she's feeling.
I take the "Jen" approach. "So when they take it out, ask for it in a jar. I totally want to see it." and other gems like, "If you threw it at a wall, would it stick in a bloody tumor-y mess?" and our favorite, "When the grapefruit is removed, make sure there is sugar on hand. They don't taste the same with out a bit of sweetness."
Maybe I'm insensitive, and a bit callous at times. But I feel the best medicine and therapy for life and the shit you get handed, is laughter. So I go out of my way to make an ass out of myself not only for them, but me as well.
So if you pray, pray good and hard for Penny. And if you don't then I'll see you in the fiery pits of hell then, won't I?
I suppose I should tell you about my day, but to be honest it was the same shit I deal with every day, only difference is that it was way to fucking early to be awake. I made it through, barely.
But if we can take a moment to be serious, I'm not the praying type. Perhaps one of you are? (Is? Are? Because? Fuck it's 330am. Leave me be!)
My friend from work, Penny, who is the sweetest, funniest, fattest cashier we have, (I'm not insulting her, she'd laugh.) is going on a leave of absence due to the large Lemon like tumor, and then grapefruit like tumor that both have attached themselves to her lady bits. (Sorry about the Kidney stone, when life hands you lemons.. Hope they aren't near your uterus? I don't know.)
So, yeah, I've been worried about her. We all have. She's told very few. Some are gentle and kind about asking and inquiring about her health and how she's feeling.
I take the "Jen" approach. "So when they take it out, ask for it in a jar. I totally want to see it." and other gems like, "If you threw it at a wall, would it stick in a bloody tumor-y mess?" and our favorite, "When the grapefruit is removed, make sure there is sugar on hand. They don't taste the same with out a bit of sweetness."
Maybe I'm insensitive, and a bit callous at times. But I feel the best medicine and therapy for life and the shit you get handed, is laughter. So I go out of my way to make an ass out of myself not only for them, but me as well.
So if you pray, pray good and hard for Penny. And if you don't then I'll see you in the fiery pits of hell then, won't I?
5/25/2009
Mmmm Hot Pockets
There is no bacon in this house, which is distressing. But thats not what I'm here to write about. This entry is about Hot Pockets. And how to a group of employees at Walmart, it became a cry of FREEDOM. Or was just used to lift boredom.
BACKGROUND: I bought lean pockets, chicken and spinach I believe, for lunch and took them in back to make them. As they were cooking, I ripped off Jim Gaffigan, with his "HOT POCKET" in a high pitched voice.
Then Courtney threw a fit about them not being hot pockets, but lean pockets. So I was going "Lean pocket?" in a high pitched voice. And then when I took a bite and the gooey delicious magma tried to kill me with it's heat, I covered my mouth with my hand and cried out, "HOT POCKET" as high pitched as before.
And thus, the monster had been created.
We were dead. Which gave me ample time to call to lawn and garden where not only Courtney was, but Rod as well. When they would pick up I'd call out "Hot pocket!" I wanted to "Do a price check on "HOT POCKET" But also didn't want to get fired.
Becky, who works in toys, came by with a cart and I ninja'd my way towards her. I Hopped on, calling out "HOT POCKET!" as my battle cry. I hot pocket'd my way towards Bethany, making her laugh as I'd peek out from behind pop coolers, and other things that are bigger than me.
I hot pocket'd Laeci, wrapping my arms around her for a hug, but sneakily opening her doritos while she was talking and stealing one, leaving with a simple "Hot Pocket!" before shoving it in my mouth and running away.
So thanks HOT POCKET for hours of amusement @ work.
EDIT: to add said Video I ripped off.
BACKGROUND: I bought lean pockets, chicken and spinach I believe, for lunch and took them in back to make them. As they were cooking, I ripped off Jim Gaffigan, with his "HOT POCKET" in a high pitched voice.
Then Courtney threw a fit about them not being hot pockets, but lean pockets. So I was going "Lean pocket?" in a high pitched voice. And then when I took a bite and the gooey delicious magma tried to kill me with it's heat, I covered my mouth with my hand and cried out, "HOT POCKET" as high pitched as before.
And thus, the monster had been created.
We were dead. Which gave me ample time to call to lawn and garden where not only Courtney was, but Rod as well. When they would pick up I'd call out "Hot pocket!" I wanted to "Do a price check on "HOT POCKET" But also didn't want to get fired.
Becky, who works in toys, came by with a cart and I ninja'd my way towards her. I Hopped on, calling out "HOT POCKET!" as my battle cry. I hot pocket'd my way towards Bethany, making her laugh as I'd peek out from behind pop coolers, and other things that are bigger than me.
I hot pocket'd Laeci, wrapping my arms around her for a hug, but sneakily opening her doritos while she was talking and stealing one, leaving with a simple "Hot Pocket!" before shoving it in my mouth and running away.
So thanks HOT POCKET for hours of amusement @ work.
EDIT: to add said Video I ripped off.
4/30/2009
Awesome Day
I had an overall awesome day. My dad came over and we joked and had a good time, I love seeing him. After 5 years we've both changed and realized we're a lot more alike than originally planned. I was babysitting, but baby D was good as usual.
Amy came over and we had a fun time. Watched Bride Wars, which was a great movie and I highly recommend it even if I called the ending 30 minutes before it.
Amy, Jes, D and I went out to dinner where we laughed and had a grand time. I need to make an effort to see my friends more, I forgot how much fun they could be.
Amy came over and we had a fun time. Watched Bride Wars, which was a great movie and I highly recommend it even if I called the ending 30 minutes before it.
Amy, Jes, D and I went out to dinner where we laughed and had a grand time. I need to make an effort to see my friends more, I forgot how much fun they could be.
1/26/2009
The last two days: RECAP!
So Saturday morning I woke up at 730ish as you all know and had some coffee. I headed off to work, worried that I was going to be late so I'm haulin' ass down Route 47 to get there on time.
I end up being 20 minutes early. It was wonderful.
So I get to my register and realize Kay, the bitch of a manager, is there. My day already sucks the big one. Nanette, some lady who is very chatty, is working next to me and the first hour zooms by because we're all gossiping and having a good time.
Then it starts to pick up a bit, couple customers here, there, My coffee has kicked in so I'm a ray of sunshine.
Break rolls around and I go outside where I proceed to freeze my ass off to have a cigarette. Come back in and buy some starburst.
I spent the next hour helping people and eating starburst. It was good.
Lunch time I get my sub and head into the back, this already took 20 minutes but thats dandy, I don't mind waiting for food.
Now theres this girl, Stephanie, who smells like shit and just... she's gross ok? She sits down next to me and starts making akward conversation when clearly I am trying to eat. She starts eating and chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, (I feel like my father right now, I had no idea how annoying it was.) I eventually tell John to call me via Text and he does, saving me from the fate of the smelly fat girl.
I hide in the bathroom for a bit and then head back in, noticing that this girl has now moved to another table to bother someone else. Thank god, and yet lulzy at the same time.
I finish eating and the rest of my day was spent like this...
I zoned grocery. Which means I straightened items, made sure everything was in its correct spot and then put things away that werent. It was a blast. I don't mind doing it, but what I do mind is walking back through the area I did an hour ago only to see someone has destroyed it again. Or watching a lady drop four boxes of Trix on the floor and then LEAVE THEM THERE.
I had no idea "Maid" was part of my job.
My day is done, I buy a new coffee maker. I head home and invite Emily over. We sit watching TV and laughing at it. Jes comes home and instantly I don't want to be there. The vibe of the room changes the moment she walks in, like anger and fear and it's not cool.
I dropped Emily off and drove around a bit, singing some Queen and what not.
I get home and sit online for about 10 minutes before I let John call me and go lay down. I've been up 17.5 hours at this point and I am dead tired. 1AM rolls around and I"m laying in my bed listening to the TV in the other room, and the arguments that seem to have no point.
Finally at 2AM they are shouting so I get up, get dress and walk out slamming the door behind me. (And my family can vouch for me, I'm a lover of the door slam.) I get in my car (Trying to make a dignified exit in slippers.) and realize I forgot my debit card and ID. So I drive around for an hour, doing a figure 8 from Woodstock to Crystal lake, back to woodstock, then Algonquin, Crystal lake and back to woodstock.
I talked to John for a bit on the phone, swearing up a storm and being angry as fuck, and then I drove in silence. Enjoying it.
I got home and Jes had "Gone to bed" but when I laid down I could still hear them talking. I eventually drifted off around 4am.
This morning I got up and when Emily called we went to JCpennys to order the pictures, (Feb 4th) and then headed to my Moms to get my mail, drop off the Ipass and just bother her a bit. We then ventured towards woodstock to stop at Helping Paws to see the cats and perhaps find out more about adopting one.
Well that was a bust. Not the cats, but adopting one.
I called Jes, asking if it was ok. She flat out told me no because she doesn't want one.
I almost cried.
So we went to Walmart and I bought the Sims 2 Pets Expansion pack. So now I can surround myself with animals who love me and like to pay attention to me! Huzzah!
5pm was Emily's Moms birthday thing, which was fun as always. The Cross family is a crazy family, but they're all intelligent, funny, NICE people. Who do not question why Emily's friend is over for Christmas brunch or their mother's birthday.
I came home, took the laptop into my room and played the sims for 5 hours. And now, I'm going to go to bed. And if I hear them argue or fight at all... I'm going to scream at them. Because my door is locked and its about damn time I did something about this.
Hope you all had a better weekend then I did.
I end up being 20 minutes early. It was wonderful.
So I get to my register and realize Kay, the bitch of a manager, is there. My day already sucks the big one. Nanette, some lady who is very chatty, is working next to me and the first hour zooms by because we're all gossiping and having a good time.
Then it starts to pick up a bit, couple customers here, there, My coffee has kicked in so I'm a ray of sunshine.
Break rolls around and I go outside where I proceed to freeze my ass off to have a cigarette. Come back in and buy some starburst.
I spent the next hour helping people and eating starburst. It was good.
Lunch time I get my sub and head into the back, this already took 20 minutes but thats dandy, I don't mind waiting for food.
Now theres this girl, Stephanie, who smells like shit and just... she's gross ok? She sits down next to me and starts making akward conversation when clearly I am trying to eat. She starts eating and chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, (I feel like my father right now, I had no idea how annoying it was.) I eventually tell John to call me via Text and he does, saving me from the fate of the smelly fat girl.
I hide in the bathroom for a bit and then head back in, noticing that this girl has now moved to another table to bother someone else. Thank god, and yet lulzy at the same time.
I finish eating and the rest of my day was spent like this...
I zoned grocery. Which means I straightened items, made sure everything was in its correct spot and then put things away that werent. It was a blast. I don't mind doing it, but what I do mind is walking back through the area I did an hour ago only to see someone has destroyed it again. Or watching a lady drop four boxes of Trix on the floor and then LEAVE THEM THERE.
I had no idea "Maid" was part of my job.
My day is done, I buy a new coffee maker. I head home and invite Emily over. We sit watching TV and laughing at it. Jes comes home and instantly I don't want to be there. The vibe of the room changes the moment she walks in, like anger and fear and it's not cool.
I dropped Emily off and drove around a bit, singing some Queen and what not.
I get home and sit online for about 10 minutes before I let John call me and go lay down. I've been up 17.5 hours at this point and I am dead tired. 1AM rolls around and I"m laying in my bed listening to the TV in the other room, and the arguments that seem to have no point.
Finally at 2AM they are shouting so I get up, get dress and walk out slamming the door behind me. (And my family can vouch for me, I'm a lover of the door slam.) I get in my car (Trying to make a dignified exit in slippers.) and realize I forgot my debit card and ID. So I drive around for an hour, doing a figure 8 from Woodstock to Crystal lake, back to woodstock, then Algonquin, Crystal lake and back to woodstock.
I talked to John for a bit on the phone, swearing up a storm and being angry as fuck, and then I drove in silence. Enjoying it.
I got home and Jes had "Gone to bed" but when I laid down I could still hear them talking. I eventually drifted off around 4am.
This morning I got up and when Emily called we went to JCpennys to order the pictures, (Feb 4th) and then headed to my Moms to get my mail, drop off the Ipass and just bother her a bit. We then ventured towards woodstock to stop at Helping Paws to see the cats and perhaps find out more about adopting one.
Well that was a bust. Not the cats, but adopting one.
I called Jes, asking if it was ok. She flat out told me no because she doesn't want one.
I almost cried.
So we went to Walmart and I bought the Sims 2 Pets Expansion pack. So now I can surround myself with animals who love me and like to pay attention to me! Huzzah!
5pm was Emily's Moms birthday thing, which was fun as always. The Cross family is a crazy family, but they're all intelligent, funny, NICE people. Who do not question why Emily's friend is over for Christmas brunch or their mother's birthday.
I came home, took the laptop into my room and played the sims for 5 hours. And now, I'm going to go to bed. And if I hear them argue or fight at all... I'm going to scream at them. Because my door is locked and its about damn time I did something about this.
Hope you all had a better weekend then I did.
1/11/2009
Baby showers
If today taught me anything its the following things:
1.) I have amazing friends who I miss dearly and wish I could see more often.
2.) We are all fucking insane.
1.) I have amazing friends who I miss dearly and wish I could see more often.
2.) We are all fucking insane.
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