Tonight I had two perfect margaritas at Applebees. Which is a lot of alcohol, and constist of esentially four drinks. Then I came home to drink a bottle of wine.
I'm still typing just fine (minus a bum finger from a knife.) If I was a normal person I'd be stumbling around, slurring and not able to type this at all. Every thought in my head would be jumbled and make little to no sense.
So why am I fine?
I managed to do dishes, run the dish washer and cook myself dinner after all the wine was gone.
I shouldn't be able to do any of that.
Perhaps now is the time when I need to sit back and look at my life and actually question,
"Does Alcoholism run in the family?"
I don't turn to it when I'm angry or lonely, I manage to control myself and only get drunk in a great while.. But is it a sign when you can down a whole bottle of wine and still be perfectly ok?
I have class in 4.5 hours and Im going to be sober. But theres still dishes to do and a shower to take and Im not going to sleep which leaves me full of wine and questions.
My parents were drunks. Thankfully I don't remember it, although I do remember beer in my moms fridge at one point but I wasn't going to ask questions or judge a woman who just found out she had aids.
But I'm sitting outside at three thirty in the morning smoking a cigarette when every house around me is dark, is there something wrong with me?
I have a long day at school tomorrow and I reached for a bottle of wine?
I'm at the point where I don't know if I should sleep, clean, shower or look up AA meetings. And I knwo the first step is admiting you have a problem, but It doesn't control my life, I don't depend on it.. I just have a tolerence that would make anyone jealous. So pray tell blog readers, what do I do?