Death of Friendship

I knew it was coming. The times between seeing each other got longer, and the times spent together were shorter. I knew it was happening when something every time I saw you irritated me, or vice versa. I was only hoping that maybe, we'd make it until I left, so our friendship could fade away and we'd be left with the happy moments that make us laugh out loud when we're alone doing something that has nothing to do with anything. When a single word triggers a memory and makes us burst into a fit of giggles.

I don't know who I'm going to sit on the floor of my bed room drinking wine and laughing about the memories, the jokes and even the crap I have piled around. I don't know who to cook for, who to nag or who to worry about.

So lets raise a glass, one last time. Because it wasn't meant to be, because it was the best 85 years of my life, because of the laughter the tears and the strange looks. For the the candy bars thrown at us, the wine and alcohol we drank, the food we cooked, the drives we took and the servers who's lives we've changed. Raise a glass for the inside jokes, the late night musical drives, the walks, the adventures and the mozzarella sticks. And if not any of that, raise your glass because we've both changed, for the better, in some aspects for the worst. But we've changed, I've been changed by you, and I only hope that I had some effect on you.

"You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart."

Thanks for 85 years Emily, I was hoping to make it to 126, but we don't always get what we wish for.

My Week thus far

Howdy readers! I know I've been a bit lax in the updates lately, but when I get home from my long days I don't really feel like writing anything. Plus this Cold I woke up with on Monday is literally trying to kill me. But have no fear, for I am armed with Dayquill and nightquill. So all will be ok.

Where should I start? I suppose Monday is good.
Monday: I woke up around 7:30am since I went to bed early the night before. I Picked up my room a bit and showered. Grabbing my purse I headed to my Mom's house where I hung out for a bit chatting before stealing not only her I-Pass, but her cell phone as well seeing as I forgot mine. (Ooops.)
Headed to Ohare to pick up the English and it started to rain. Not like, drizzle rain, but downpour. Try driving in that while going 60 on I-90. It's not easy and by the time I got to Ohare I needed to punch something in the face. But alas, I didn't.

I sat around, waiting for John until finally I saw him on the opposite side of the terminal, looking at his phone and being generally confused. I went and got him and off we went. In the rain.
(Rain sucks.)

On the way back we stopped at Walmart to shop for Groceries, knowing we shouldn't spend any money. Well we walked out with a new 19'' flat screen TV for my bedroom, a New Dell HP Desktop and a few other goodies. Seriously, we need to stop spending money. We're so dumb. lol.

We stopped at my Mom's house yet again to drop off the I-pass and the cell phone and also to pick up my boxes of books. We get back to the apartment and start cleaning and putting my books away. After the books were sorted we brought in the TV quickly setting that up. I grinned happily as he lugged in the giant computer box and we quickly got it assembled and running.

It's beautiful. Seriously. I would marry my desktop computer if I didn't have John.

The rest of the day was spent playing the sims and other various games, downloading this and that and then we heard the fight.
Joey was yelling at Jes for some reason, and he left leaving her crying. She didn't want to talk about it so John and I went for a ride to get a power strip, cigarettes and just give her some time to herself. We invited her out to dinner but she declined, so we ended up at the Applebees where we had yummy food and a few drinks.
It was good, and then we came home and he went to bed, where as I was wide awake, so I played the sims some more.

Thats Monday for you, when we get back from my Mom's tonight I will update you all on Tuesday and the rest of the week. Have a good day!

Question..

Tonight I had two perfect margaritas at Applebees. Which is a lot of alcohol, and constist of esentially four drinks. Then I came home to drink a bottle of wine.
I'm still typing just fine (minus a bum finger from a knife.) If I was a normal person I'd be stumbling around, slurring and not able to type this at all. Every thought in my head would be jumbled and make little to no sense.
So why am I fine?

I managed to do dishes, run the dish washer and cook myself dinner after all the wine was gone.
I shouldn't be able to do any of that.

Perhaps now is the time when I need to sit back and look at my life and actually question,

"Does Alcoholism run in the family?"

I don't turn to it when I'm angry or lonely, I manage to control myself and only get drunk in a great while.. But is it a sign when you can down a whole bottle of wine and still be perfectly ok?
I have class in 4.5 hours and Im going to be sober. But theres still dishes to do and a shower to take and Im not going to sleep which leaves me full of wine and questions.

My parents were drunks. Thankfully I don't remember it, although I do remember beer in my moms fridge at one point but I wasn't going to ask questions or judge a woman who just found out she had aids.

But I'm sitting outside at three thirty in the morning smoking a cigarette when every house around me is dark, is there something wrong with me?
I have a long day at school tomorrow and I reached for a bottle of wine?

I'm at the point where I don't know if I should sleep, clean, shower or look up AA meetings. And I knwo the first step is admiting you have a problem, but It doesn't control my life, I don't depend on it.. I just have a tolerence that would make anyone jealous. So pray tell blog readers, what do I do?