A letter to my life...

Dear Walmart,
You have your ups and your serious serious downs. But the thing that makes me irritated the most is the lack of a life I have due to your crazy hours. I work 9 hours and then I'm so tired all I want to do is sit. It doesn't help that you make me work every weekend either.
So We're fixing this. You're going to make me work less. Enjoy my lack of hours, bitch.

Dear Vodka,
I love you. I hate you. On the brightside you made a mundane Saturday night a fun one. So thank you.
Maybe I will drink more of you tonight.

Dear Liver,
I'm sorry.

Dear Facebook,
Is there some way to block facebook when I'm drunk? Same with my blog? Because honestly I feel bad for my friends. I really do. I get drunk and all Photo oppy.
And then rambly. This is why that guy created IRC. For drunk nerds to hang out and be awesome.
Status updates don't need to happen every 4 minutes, but Drunk me seems to think so. (Bored me to, but I have no excuse for that.)
Life in general needs a Drunk block.

Dear Jen,
Seriously. You rock.


Saving the World

I'm drunk but I pomise this Idea came around 515PM when I was on break. There were two black guys who I honestly wouldn't have given the time of day, but I heard them calling people sir and ma'am so my resolve broke down and I asked them what they were selling.
Turns out these two ghetto kids were trying to earn some money for their football team in the southside of Chicago.
Frankly just hearing they were from the southside made me want to donate, but I'm broke. So Instead I wished them luck and felt like and ass.

I want to save the world. Any of my friends who know me, know this. I want all the children cared for, and all the homes fed. I know I don't have enough money to reach out to every child. But I do know I have enough to reach out to those who are close to me.
My little brother is smart, regardless of what people tell you, and my little sister is too damn curious to do anything other than a zoologist. And my niece and nephew? I can't tell you what they want to be, but whatever it is, in the later years, I want them to have the chance I never had.

I know for a fact that if I ever gave a shit about college or thought I would make it through my ACT's I'd have tried a bit harder. But after hearing what my real parents had to say, I gave up. With out 100% Encouragement, I gave up. With a slight disadvantage over the other kids, (Adhd and Learning disabled) I gave up. I did. I didn't bother learning to spell, turn in my homework or give a shit about school.

I assumed that since I had no real means, I had no way to pay the way. Not all the way through it. So I never too school seriously. No one ever said, "College, Thats what you should do." No one. And I don't blame my family, since I never took school seriouisly, so how were they to know?

But I don't want people I love, who are intelligent and smart, to suffer. I want my niece and Nephew to go to whatever college they go to, and I want my little brother and sister to have a head start on it, even if thats all I can give them.

I'm not rich. Not in the least. ever dollar I get has a plan. I just need everyone else to see it, the way I do. And if they don't accept it, so be it. But the though and the love was there. Even if they don't understand.


This is why wine is always a bad choice

Hi. I have things to say, but I'll update you on that later. Just wanted to share with you one of my more crazy moments. Seriously, why someone introduced me to the internet, I'll never know. It was a bad choice for the world. Sorry world.



It can never be "Peachy Keen" ever, can it? It's like a rule to life, "Something must be fucked up." there is no complete happiness and goodness knows when the shit hits the fan you're just going to covered in it, aren't you?


As you all know, my car was dead. Then it was better. Turns out it's broke still and I'm supposed to take it in today. I know I should, I know I need to. But look at the time! I just wont have enough time between now and 4 to get to work. Shame, really.

And if that wasn't bad enough I woke up this morning to a male voice in my apartment. One that sounds really fuckin' familiar. Oh, Hey Joey. Back to beat the shit out of Jes some more? Or maybe just scream a lot and make living here horrible? Awesome. Good. Go ahead and take her happiness away again, its totally what needed to be done.


I need to stop giving friends good advice just so they can ignore and and do the exact opposite of what I said. IM LOOKIN' AT YOU EMILY. So it's cool. It's your life, you do what you want. But I'm thinking that maybe in a week when the first fight is thrown, I'm kicking his ass out. Either that, or Jes can figure out how to pay the rent herself.

Or you now, I'll hate my life and be locked in my room like normal. But its good to have thoughts of taking a stand for yourself, isn't it?


Lack of sleep, Walmart and Reading Rainbow

I think someone should come over when it's time for me to go to bed and just sit in the corner making sure I'm not doing things. And by things, I mean literally anything. I need someone to stare at me to make sure I'm laying there with my eyes closed instead of laying there reading, eating ice cream maybe even sitting online. It never ends well.

Heres how it works, I find something to do and after an hour or two when it's 12am I'm going "Well 5 hours of sleep isn't enough, might as well just stay up all night." And then...I DO. But every few hours I look at the time and repeat it, changing the amount of sleep I'm not getting. "Well, 2 hours and 24 minutes just isn't going to do. I Can never deal with Walmart people on that amount."

I'm terrified of being late. I Hate it, I'm overly punctuall and I actually will forsake sleep if It means I get to work on time. I'm also very all or nothing when it comes to my sleep. I will sleep 13 hours in the drop of a hat, but 3? NO, thats unheard of. Even my naps turn into mini sleep marathons.
I love sleeping, it's warm, relaxing, great dreams etc etc.

So I really need to start sleeping. I was doing so well until someone threw the 6:30AM shift at me. THANKS GUYS. And then instead of coming home and staying awake like I wanted to, I just passed out. Didn't mean to but it was just so fucking hot in this room, and I was so god damn tired.

So now I'm going to be up all night. On the brightside my dishes will get done and my room will most likely get cleaned. Horrah I suppose?

And another really good reason for why I should sleep is Walmart people/customers are so much easier to deal with when I've had like 17 hours of coma. It's so true, little things don't bother me, I don't get really honest telling customers I hate my job. It works out all around for everything, I think.

Oh. And anyone wanna be my suga daddy and take me book shopping? The reading rainbow is about to die in my room with a lack of books. I will... Uhm... find a midget to service you? Awesome.


Happy Birthday Laeci

My friend from Walmart, Laeci, turned 19 er..yesterday.. and I did what any self respecting 23 year old would do, I got her drunk. When I was 19 I had kids buying for me and celebrating the proper way. We were responsible, I had two drinks and was sober by the time it came to drive them home, but she had a blast. And to me, that is all that matters.

We started off the night with me reading a book and wanting to finish it even though I knew I had to go, so I finally packed it in my purse and headed to applebees for dinner. After dinner Steve showed up, and since he had to work, he was tired and opted out of the drinking. Something to do with a white sox game but since they suck, I didn't pay attention.

We played games, laughed a lot and ended up running around on the playground. May I just say that Fat girl over here raced Laeci and won? Thats right, running. Not Pie eating, or facebook updating, running. And I won. Small victory. Caused Jes to bust out laughing.

Then Steve drove the girls home and I drove the boys home in the boy's car. Steve took me back home and was an absolute sweetheart about it. I owe him some cake, or more vodka. Maybe cake filled with vodka.

Laeci had a great night and so did the rest of us. So Laeci, Manny, Daniel, Amanda and Steve, thank you. <3 You guys rock my world.


Must suck to have such a shitty life

Due to the influx of awesome and heartfelt comments here at Stale Cigarettes and Flat Diet coke, I've had to make it so comments need to be approved by me.
This isn't because I can't handle a fat comment, or an insult to my intelligence by a lesser human, it's because I'm tired of the nameless asshats doing it. Put a name on it, your real one, and I might change it. Until then your bitchiness gets no air time here.

So it's like 4am and I'm wide awake. I'm half tempted to go for a walk, to go get smokes or breakfast or just some fresh air. But I also know I need to clean and sort through my laundry and get a head start on tomorrow. So much to do, so little time.
At some point I need to get my laundry done, but its so damn hard when Jes is constantly doing hers, you know, with a baby and all.

And as long as I dont run out of navy and Khaki I'm fine with it. And frankly even if I do, I'll wear smelly clothes since I care that little about my job.

John doesn't sleep because he's worried about me and the wedding and everything else that goes on in his brain. I don't sleep because theres so much to do, not only with the wedding, but have you been on youtube lately? They have millions of funny videos to watch! WHO KNEW?! I thought it was just the place to see music videos, like the old MTV. Boy howdy, I was wrong.

So whats up for tomorrow? Lets see, wake up and clean my room incase I have company tomorrow night. Then I have to go to my moms and head to Holiday Inn to sign the contract and give my deposit. Then Off to meet the photographer for coffee @ Starbucks. After that I need to call around and find an officiant. After thats done, Get Laeci, Becky maybe Steve and head to Applebees for dinner. Then back to mine for hilarity then...OFF TO THE FAIR!

God I miss having a social life. Lets hope I can behave like a normal person, and not the Boyd we know I am.
Speaking of Boyd's my brother is trying to find a job, kudos to him. And my father? well he hates his job.
He has so many kind things to say about his granddaughter, but her mother he couldn't care less about. It amazes me. I told him, "She doesn't want us in her life, so be it. She can be selfish and ungrateful and a cunt. We don't need to bother ourselves with it, she made her choice she can explain it to the kid in 17 years. Not us, her."
He agreed. Said it was probably for the best, since Pat's done with her dumb ass, we should be as well. Just a shame the child is missing out on a lot of love due to her mother's own ignorance.

Anywho, I'm going to go for that walk, because it's only 4am and everyone knows all the rapists and murders go to bed at 3am!


Parents who shop at Walmart

Yesterday was "Unwed mothers of several" day and today is "Child abuse" day. Seriously, day in and day out I watch parents scream at their kids, ignore their kids of say shit to their kids that makes me want to punch them. Today some lady told her kid to shut up and then when he was still talking she looked at him "Why are you still talking, I said shut your damn mouth!" Honestly, the kid is five, what the hell is wrong with you?

The worst thing I have ever seen in regards to this was from today, it made me want to cry and then throw down my badge, call the cops and walk outside to beat the shit out of this father. His daughter had walked to the jewelry display, she's about 6 or so, and he goes to grab the back of her dress, not her hand, her dress. And she starts screaming. She's crying and screaming as I check them out, and as she turns to walk out the door I see the nail scratches down her back, some red from blood.

Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you. Why couldn't you reach for her arm? Her hand? Hell, apologize for that shit. Accidents happen, but the force that he grabbed her with? There was proof. Horrifying, and I swear to god if I ever see him out side of work, he better hope I'm not lugging around my 20lb purse because I'll make him scream and cry just like he did to his daughter.

And I hate that I have to stand there, smile at them and thank them for coming in. Instead of saying whats really on my mind, these people get away with it, because I have to do my fucking job. It's fucking bullshit. Absolute bullshit. People fucking disgust me. Just when I thought I couldn't be more irritated with the general population, someone has to go and prove me fucking wrong. Thanks.


Serious blog time

One thing I never really noticed until I got this job at Walmart is how many single mothers there are. And not even like "Divorced" women, more like girls younger than me with 2-3 kids already. Seriously, when did the Crystal Lake area turn into the ghetto of Chicago?

I had a girl the other day who was my age, with four children. Of course she was on food stamps. Everyone is on food stamps. But even after the food stamps she had to put things back, because she bought way too much makeup for her to afford. Not even things for the kids. No, makeup.

I've made it a habit now, and only realized yesterday that I do this, to check the hands of young women with children. Most of them don't have rings. It irritates me to no end that instead of kids having kids being a bad thing, kids having kids is becoming almost like the norm.

And don't think I am not happy that our state has programs to help the women, but it seems like because of these programs more and more girls are being less careful because they can get on food stamps, or have wic. (Coupons for food, baby forumla etc.) Besides, Link pays for my food as well, since Jes is on it.

But it just irritates me. Seriously. And the people who buy nothing but crap food anyway, that irritates me as well. The thing that gets me the most are the women who come through the line with their nails all nice, good clothes, designer bags and they're on food stamps. Seriously?

I don't know their lives, I only get what they present at the walmart check out, but still...
Really? you're 20, have two kids and instead of having money to pay for your things, your mom has to pay for you and you're going on a trip tomorrow? wtf.

Seriously, either get on some birth control women, or close your fucking legs. Accidents only happen once. after the second it's clearly your own damn fault.
Nifty fact: I sell more Pregnancy tests than I do boxes of condoms.


I've got a feeling

There is something about weddings that makes me crave romance. So the last two nights I have stayed up way past my bedtime to read. A whole book. Each night. About 400 pages long each. I crave more. I don't want to sleep because I have a stack of books that need to be re-read. Not even "read" re-read. Because I just crave reading right now. I don't know if it's because after the stress, worry and everything else I want a break but whatever. At least I'm not drinking, right?

Today was fucking AWESOME. Seriously. Woke up at noon and showered. Picked up the Emily and we headed to Starbucks to start our day off right, with some over priced froo froo coffee that I have grown to love. With patrons staring at us for being odd and having strange accents, we giggled as we pulled away.
We started to David's Bridal in Rockford, about an hour and a half away, and my sister calls. Apparently she assumed I'd go to Shaumburg. Silly woman. So we had a good 30 minutes, Emily and I, to browse the dresses and what not.

My mom, Big Jenny, Hope and Little Emily finally arrived. I was whisked away to try on my dress again for alterations. I recall at some point I asked my sister if it made my butt look big. Apparently it does. :p
I've opted to wear my black Aldo shoes, because I like being tall, and it saved me nearly 200 bucks on hemming. Rock on me!

After I managed to get out of my massive dress, we had Little Emily try on hers. She just ran around, twirled and smiled like a silly kid who hit jackpot. Rather adorable. She has no idea I got her that tiara, but I feel sorry for my sister who will have to explain to the girl that she can't sleep in the dress.

The ladies tried on several dresses, each one looked better on one person and terrible on another. I had given up hope, slightly, when Hope picked out a dress and I agreed, figuring it'd be better than just blindly guessing at this point.
Well boy howdy. Who would have thunk that my tomboy of a sister could pick out a dress that would look fantastic on all three ladies? Kudos Hope, I owe you a cookie.

Dramatics ensued when Emily learned she had to take the dress off. The little one of course, although at one point during my alteration Big Emily had to leave because she was tearing up. Rather cute, I think. But you know how I feel about emotions.

Anyhow, We purchased everything and headed home. Big Emily and I headed to lunch at the Parrot place, where we enjoyed rice, Crab Rangoon and Mai tais. Mmm delicious.
I dropped her off and headed on home where I was ready to take a nap (Odd since it's now 6am. Silly body, get tired plz.)

I started registering for things, and after a few hours had passed I realized I had amassed a large amount of objects. Granted, the things I want from America don't appear to be on Amazon.uk.co but whatever. Target had them, and worse comes to worse I will ship.
I then spent an hour coordinating colors and making things match on another site, but apparently I don't exist on there which pissed me off.

So I escaped from the Internet with Emily to relax at the Denny's and rock out to music.
then I returned home to click on the Internet some more but after so much clicking realized I wanted to read. So read I Did, and a few hours later I have finished yet another book and am very tempted to pick another one up and start reading that.

John is not going to be pleased when he reads this :p


Hold the wheel, I have to jack this fucker in the face

Today was a shit-tacular day. Seriously. I woke up, I was happy and ready to go to work. I was determined to have a good day.
And then some dumb bitch ruined it all.

Paula, this moron who I hate, called to get a price check. After about 10 minutes of no help/response/whatever she gave up and the customer left. The phone started ringing. Non-stop for 10 minutes. I finally answered it and the lady on the other end was like "Hey, just let her know next time to call us back, or pick up the phone and inform us the customer left." And I was all "Sure thang, no problem." And then told Paula this.

Paula's new customer (Not the one with the price check) stomps over to me and goes, "I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD HER NOT TO ANSWER THAT PHONE. I'VE BEEN WAITING IN LINE FOR TEN MINUTES." And I nodded, apologized and resumed working. Then her daughter started walking to customer service, to tattle on my "rudeness" and at that moment Crystal, who is behind me, goes "Hey Jen! Do you know who's cart that is?" And the lady LOOKS at me, goes "Oh your name's Jen is it?" (No shit Lady, I'm WEARING A NAMETAG.) And then grins and claps her hands like she's won a fucking prize.

The customer I was helping and the one after offered to stay and let my managers know I did nothing wrong. But I told them not to worry about it, all I'd be losing is a job I hated.

Dani turns my light off and I get pulled into the cash office with Manager Mike and her. I ignore Mike, because either way he's a grade A douche bag. I explain to Dani what happened and really just wanted to add, "Look, if I was going to be rude to her knowing I'd lose my job, don't you think I'd have really thrown a fit? Punched her in the face? Screamed at her for being a miserable human being?" But no. Instead I was nice, polite and got in trouble for nothing.

And the best part of the whole thing is the fact that I was upset that they DIDN'T fire me. Damn.

Then Kay yelled at me, but I got to go home eventually where I read a book and my day has gotten a lot better. Yes.

So yay for Walmart, I guess?


And theres that silver lining...

Yesterday sucked. Seriously. I asked for break at 4:50 when I was supposed to get it, but Linda was stressed and freaked out a bit at me, so I backed off and went to my register. There were two other CSMs there who are completely useless. So I waited. I wanted to see how long it would take to get my break.
Watched Beth go to the clipboard and study it for 5 minutes on numerous occasions and then walk away. Sarah and I both needed our breaks, we were laughing at her by the end of it. So in the end it took another hour to get a break. I told Linda who finally walked over going "Did you go on break?" "Nope.""Shit girl, go!" "Nah, waiting til 45 after, then at 6 I'll go to the meeting and then lunch." She nodded, "Ok."

So I went on break at 5:45 and as I'm outside telling John the joys of walmart a car pulls in that looks a LOT like my car. "Is...Is that my car? With my Daddy inside it?" And I ask this about 50 times, but the car looks far to clean to be mine. But I run over there and go, "It is! It is my daddy inside my car!"

And then my dad tells me how the story of his daughter being stranded in Woodstock, and how he and mom are driving back and forth to take me to work and how I'm trying to plan a wedding and such, had passed through the garage and the mechanics decided to stay late Thursday night, and then Friday morning when the owner got there two of his men were waiting for him so they could finish working on it.
I owe them a HUGE thank you card. Because that is hands down the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

So I have a car! I do! I do! I do! I do!

The meeting was a joke, which was expected. I didn't clock out for lunch until 6:57 and managed to come back at 7:51 and as I'm walking to my register Beth, the idiot she is, goes "You're late from lunch Jennifer" in that condescending tone she has that makes me want to punch her.
Uhm, no, I'm not late. But good try peeps. Really good try.
And then I had an issue with someones credit card and she came over acting like it was a huge inconvenience to her, causing the customers to go "Wow, isn't she just happy. So sorry to bother her." And I told them about what happened earlier. I hope they call in.
And later my pin pad broke so the touch screen wouldn't work, and Beth acted as if I had done something wrong. "Oh, well you go to fast and these things happen." No Beth, I'm not swiping the card wrong you idiot, its BROKEN. Jesus. What a fucking moron.

Then I went on break and after break stood around for 20 minutes waiting for an unbroken register. While instead of doing her job Beth was standing in customer service babbling away to someone about something no one gives a shit about.

Long story short, I fucking hate Beth. She can't do her job, and she's rude about it.
Short story of happiness, YAY I HAVE MY CAR BACK!