My friend from Walmart, Laeci, turned 19 er..yesterday.. and I did what any self respecting 23 year old would do, I got her drunk. When I was 19 I had kids buying for me and celebrating the proper way. We were responsible, I had two drinks and was sober by the time it came to drive them home, but she had a blast. And to me, that is all that matters.
We started off the night with me reading a book and wanting to finish it even though I knew I had to go, so I finally packed it in my purse and headed to applebees for dinner. After dinner Steve showed up, and since he had to work, he was tired and opted out of the drinking. Something to do with a white sox game but since they suck, I didn't pay attention.
We played games, laughed a lot and ended up running around on the playground. May I just say that Fat girl over here raced Laeci and won? Thats right, running. Not Pie eating, or facebook updating, running. And I won. Small victory. Caused Jes to bust out laughing.
Then Steve drove the girls home and I drove the boys home in the boy's car. Steve took me back home and was an absolute sweetheart about it. I owe him some cake, or more vodka. Maybe cake filled with vodka.
Laeci had a great night and so did the rest of us. So Laeci, Manny, Daniel, Amanda and Steve, thank you. <3 You guys rock my world.
Showing posts with label Laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laughter. Show all posts
8/07/2009
6/19/2009
Hello readers!
Hey folks! How you doing? I feel like it's been ages since I've written anything, because in all honesty it has been. I feel empty with out my blog, I feel like I have nothing going on when I don't update although the last week has been one of the best and busiest of my life. I've been here and there doing all sorts of wonderful things.
I've been writing it all down in a notebook because it's going to be epic. the longest post I've ever written and figure I will wait until I can't sleep one night to get it all down. I mean I have 14 days of things to write about.
But I can give you some of the highlights at the moment. I am in England, sleeping in a massive tent with John having a wonderful time. I've been shopping twice, to paris, France once and finally found two pairs of NICE shoes that FIT me. I've taken a train under the sea, I've climbed to the top of Notre dame and tried Fish and chips. I've been out drinking, I've had a proper curry and my personal favorite is that I now have a shiney pink phone to use tomorrow.
Speaking of tomorrow it's my birthday, which makes me the grand total of 23 years old for those of you keeping score. Tomorrow we're going to a greek place with John's friends and siblings. After that we're going to some pub club where I can shake my groove thing if I so choose to do so. Oddly enough, for once, I am looking forward to my birthday. Instead of wondering if people will call me and say happy birthday, I will go out with them and probably have the best party of all time- granted nothing will top Emily's birthday for me. :)
So thats my life at the moment in a nutshell, we're looking into the visa information, and it's going to be a long 6 months where I can not work- but I figure with a puppy and a kitchen I shall be quite content. I miss everyone back home and I can't wait to get back to the sweltering heat and tornado warnings. And my car. God I miss my car.
Im really upset that I left a ruben and a chicken sandwich in the back seat of that car, it's going to reek when I get back.
I've been writing it all down in a notebook because it's going to be epic. the longest post I've ever written and figure I will wait until I can't sleep one night to get it all down. I mean I have 14 days of things to write about.
But I can give you some of the highlights at the moment. I am in England, sleeping in a massive tent with John having a wonderful time. I've been shopping twice, to paris, France once and finally found two pairs of NICE shoes that FIT me. I've taken a train under the sea, I've climbed to the top of Notre dame and tried Fish and chips. I've been out drinking, I've had a proper curry and my personal favorite is that I now have a shiney pink phone to use tomorrow.
Speaking of tomorrow it's my birthday, which makes me the grand total of 23 years old for those of you keeping score. Tomorrow we're going to a greek place with John's friends and siblings. After that we're going to some pub club where I can shake my groove thing if I so choose to do so. Oddly enough, for once, I am looking forward to my birthday. Instead of wondering if people will call me and say happy birthday, I will go out with them and probably have the best party of all time- granted nothing will top Emily's birthday for me. :)
So thats my life at the moment in a nutshell, we're looking into the visa information, and it's going to be a long 6 months where I can not work- but I figure with a puppy and a kitchen I shall be quite content. I miss everyone back home and I can't wait to get back to the sweltering heat and tornado warnings. And my car. God I miss my car.
Im really upset that I left a ruben and a chicken sandwich in the back seat of that car, it's going to reek when I get back.
6/05/2009
Deleting Friends...Fixing relationships?
My life has gotten so laughable that even I'm not sure what to do anymore. So thats two friends gone in a short span, sorry Emily, John may get jealous of you soon and I'll have to delete you as well. It'll be a lot harder to delete you from real life, so I'll just kill ya, k?
Fuckin hell man. Why don't I do stand up? Seriously, I have an arsenal of retardedness to share with the world.
Fuckin hell man. Why don't I do stand up? Seriously, I have an arsenal of retardedness to share with the world.
5/30/2009
Shout out
Just wanna give a shout out to the two Canadians who viewed my site. Rock on, and welcome to America.
I suppose I should tell you about my day, but to be honest it was the same shit I deal with every day, only difference is that it was way to fucking early to be awake. I made it through, barely.
But if we can take a moment to be serious, I'm not the praying type. Perhaps one of you are? (Is? Are? Because? Fuck it's 330am. Leave me be!)
My friend from work, Penny, who is the sweetest, funniest, fattest cashier we have, (I'm not insulting her, she'd laugh.) is going on a leave of absence due to the large Lemon like tumor, and then grapefruit like tumor that both have attached themselves to her lady bits. (Sorry about the Kidney stone, when life hands you lemons.. Hope they aren't near your uterus? I don't know.)
So, yeah, I've been worried about her. We all have. She's told very few. Some are gentle and kind about asking and inquiring about her health and how she's feeling.
I take the "Jen" approach. "So when they take it out, ask for it in a jar. I totally want to see it." and other gems like, "If you threw it at a wall, would it stick in a bloody tumor-y mess?" and our favorite, "When the grapefruit is removed, make sure there is sugar on hand. They don't taste the same with out a bit of sweetness."
Maybe I'm insensitive, and a bit callous at times. But I feel the best medicine and therapy for life and the shit you get handed, is laughter. So I go out of my way to make an ass out of myself not only for them, but me as well.
So if you pray, pray good and hard for Penny. And if you don't then I'll see you in the fiery pits of hell then, won't I?
I suppose I should tell you about my day, but to be honest it was the same shit I deal with every day, only difference is that it was way to fucking early to be awake. I made it through, barely.
But if we can take a moment to be serious, I'm not the praying type. Perhaps one of you are? (Is? Are? Because? Fuck it's 330am. Leave me be!)
My friend from work, Penny, who is the sweetest, funniest, fattest cashier we have, (I'm not insulting her, she'd laugh.) is going on a leave of absence due to the large Lemon like tumor, and then grapefruit like tumor that both have attached themselves to her lady bits. (Sorry about the Kidney stone, when life hands you lemons.. Hope they aren't near your uterus? I don't know.)
So, yeah, I've been worried about her. We all have. She's told very few. Some are gentle and kind about asking and inquiring about her health and how she's feeling.
I take the "Jen" approach. "So when they take it out, ask for it in a jar. I totally want to see it." and other gems like, "If you threw it at a wall, would it stick in a bloody tumor-y mess?" and our favorite, "When the grapefruit is removed, make sure there is sugar on hand. They don't taste the same with out a bit of sweetness."
Maybe I'm insensitive, and a bit callous at times. But I feel the best medicine and therapy for life and the shit you get handed, is laughter. So I go out of my way to make an ass out of myself not only for them, but me as well.
So if you pray, pray good and hard for Penny. And if you don't then I'll see you in the fiery pits of hell then, won't I?
5/26/2009
Car rides, Rain and the best friend a girl could ask for
Emily and I made plans to go out tonight. I needed food and a bit of real company, before I started humping my tower demanding it dance with me.
I picked her up and we drove to the gas station before embarking on a journey of a lifetime.
Kidding, we just went to Dennys and probably do it like 4 times a month, but still. Dennys is a shitty national chain diner that is open 24 hours. It breeds non-conformists who conform by wearing X's clothing to be whatever X symbol they want to be. The irony of the patrons is enough to make me love it.
"John almost left me." I casually mention during the silence between "On a boat" and "Boom Boom" by the B.E.P. "Save it for Dennys, man." Is what I get before she cranks the music up. We're driving along Route 47, it's dark and raining. We're dancing and singing at the top of our lungs she she pauses, "I need your thoughts on something."
"Yea?" I asked and she popped in a CD. "I need to know what you think, because if you don't like it then I don't either."
I have a "Hearing for the first time" face when it comes to music. I Cock my head to the side, furrow my brow and focus on it all. Chords, melodies, vocal talent and the lyrics. "I don't know, it sounds like I should be drinking grog and dancing with the other locals in the village." I told her, "But agreed. His voice is hot."
We continued listening, "I don't like how he's trying to hit that low note, it's tricky but come on man, learn your range. Stick to it." and this is how the car ride went. Eventually I had to actually turn it down, "Did he honestly just sing *horribly cliched line?" while saying this, she screams the rest of the line, before turning it down again. "Man needed a rhyme, I can respect that." Note: Edited per Emily's request
We were still giggling over the cliche'd lyrics and commenting on the deep moments his songs held. We pulled into the parking lot and as I threw it into park I mused, "I think I'd like him more if he was more about everything, and less about love."
She then admitted she wanted to hit it, and we went to Dennys, thoughts of the CD gone as midnight dinner loomed ahead of it.
This is why Emily and I are friends. And why after 33 years we're as close as we were the first day in german class where I turned around in the middle of memorizing nouns and she suggest we ditch to get coffee. I quickly agreed and we bonded for life.
On the way home the CD of my dreams crapped out on me and the radio was our newest source of entertainment. Talking doesn't happen in my car, we sing and dance the darkness allowing for insanity to take control and for the first time in a few days, I'm having fun and it has nothing to do with boys or booze. It's about being comfortable and a friendship that grows stronger while Lady Gaga sings to us, "Because with love if it isn't rough it isn't fun." And us saying at the exact time, "I fucking LOVE that line."
I picked her up and we drove to the gas station before embarking on a journey of a lifetime.
Kidding, we just went to Dennys and probably do it like 4 times a month, but still. Dennys is a shitty national chain diner that is open 24 hours. It breeds non-conformists who conform by wearing X's clothing to be whatever X symbol they want to be. The irony of the patrons is enough to make me love it.
"John almost left me." I casually mention during the silence between "On a boat" and "Boom Boom" by the B.E.P. "Save it for Dennys, man." Is what I get before she cranks the music up. We're driving along Route 47, it's dark and raining. We're dancing and singing at the top of our lungs she she pauses, "I need your thoughts on something."
"Yea?" I asked and she popped in a CD. "I need to know what you think, because if you don't like it then I don't either."
I have a "Hearing for the first time" face when it comes to music. I Cock my head to the side, furrow my brow and focus on it all. Chords, melodies, vocal talent and the lyrics. "I don't know, it sounds like I should be drinking grog and dancing with the other locals in the village." I told her, "But agreed. His voice is hot."
We continued listening, "I don't like how he's trying to hit that low note, it's tricky but come on man, learn your range. Stick to it." and this is how the car ride went. Eventually I had to actually turn it down, "Did he honestly just sing *horribly cliched line?" while saying this, she screams the rest of the line, before turning it down again. "Man needed a rhyme, I can respect that." Note: Edited per Emily's request
We were still giggling over the cliche'd lyrics and commenting on the deep moments his songs held. We pulled into the parking lot and as I threw it into park I mused, "I think I'd like him more if he was more about everything, and less about love."
She then admitted she wanted to hit it, and we went to Dennys, thoughts of the CD gone as midnight dinner loomed ahead of it.
This is why Emily and I are friends. And why after 33 years we're as close as we were the first day in german class where I turned around in the middle of memorizing nouns and she suggest we ditch to get coffee. I quickly agreed and we bonded for life.
On the way home the CD of my dreams crapped out on me and the radio was our newest source of entertainment. Talking doesn't happen in my car, we sing and dance the darkness allowing for insanity to take control and for the first time in a few days, I'm having fun and it has nothing to do with boys or booze. It's about being comfortable and a friendship that grows stronger while Lady Gaga sings to us, "Because with love if it isn't rough it isn't fun." And us saying at the exact time, "I fucking LOVE that line."
5/25/2009
Mmmm Hot Pockets
There is no bacon in this house, which is distressing. But thats not what I'm here to write about. This entry is about Hot Pockets. And how to a group of employees at Walmart, it became a cry of FREEDOM. Or was just used to lift boredom.
BACKGROUND: I bought lean pockets, chicken and spinach I believe, for lunch and took them in back to make them. As they were cooking, I ripped off Jim Gaffigan, with his "HOT POCKET" in a high pitched voice.
Then Courtney threw a fit about them not being hot pockets, but lean pockets. So I was going "Lean pocket?" in a high pitched voice. And then when I took a bite and the gooey delicious magma tried to kill me with it's heat, I covered my mouth with my hand and cried out, "HOT POCKET" as high pitched as before.
And thus, the monster had been created.
We were dead. Which gave me ample time to call to lawn and garden where not only Courtney was, but Rod as well. When they would pick up I'd call out "Hot pocket!" I wanted to "Do a price check on "HOT POCKET" But also didn't want to get fired.
Becky, who works in toys, came by with a cart and I ninja'd my way towards her. I Hopped on, calling out "HOT POCKET!" as my battle cry. I hot pocket'd my way towards Bethany, making her laugh as I'd peek out from behind pop coolers, and other things that are bigger than me.
I hot pocket'd Laeci, wrapping my arms around her for a hug, but sneakily opening her doritos while she was talking and stealing one, leaving with a simple "Hot Pocket!" before shoving it in my mouth and running away.
So thanks HOT POCKET for hours of amusement @ work.
EDIT: to add said Video I ripped off.
BACKGROUND: I bought lean pockets, chicken and spinach I believe, for lunch and took them in back to make them. As they were cooking, I ripped off Jim Gaffigan, with his "HOT POCKET" in a high pitched voice.
Then Courtney threw a fit about them not being hot pockets, but lean pockets. So I was going "Lean pocket?" in a high pitched voice. And then when I took a bite and the gooey delicious magma tried to kill me with it's heat, I covered my mouth with my hand and cried out, "HOT POCKET" as high pitched as before.
And thus, the monster had been created.
We were dead. Which gave me ample time to call to lawn and garden where not only Courtney was, but Rod as well. When they would pick up I'd call out "Hot pocket!" I wanted to "Do a price check on "HOT POCKET" But also didn't want to get fired.
Becky, who works in toys, came by with a cart and I ninja'd my way towards her. I Hopped on, calling out "HOT POCKET!" as my battle cry. I hot pocket'd my way towards Bethany, making her laugh as I'd peek out from behind pop coolers, and other things that are bigger than me.
I hot pocket'd Laeci, wrapping my arms around her for a hug, but sneakily opening her doritos while she was talking and stealing one, leaving with a simple "Hot Pocket!" before shoving it in my mouth and running away.
So thanks HOT POCKET for hours of amusement @ work.
EDIT: to add said Video I ripped off.
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