The problem I find in the last two days is my lack of emotion. At times I forget that my grandma has died. My sister's husband, Brad, asked me how I was and I responded with an over enthusiastic "Dandy!" and he looked and me strange. My inner monologue went something like this, "Oh right, you're grieving. Stupid Jen."
I don't feel upset. I'm not happy. Well I am, just not in regards to her death. I'm just.. I'm so Jaded.
At my Mom's funeral I cried. At my grandpa's funeral I cried and then played pokemon. This time around, the last of that side of my family being gone, I can't imagine I'll feel anything. And it's worrysome.
I bottle my emotions, I've gotten really good at it. And I'm scared that maybe, just maybe, when the bottle is full I'll lose my mind and everyone around me will suffer.
Maybe the biggest difference this time around is I have an amazing support group. Emily, John, My sister, my parents... people who I took for granted/didn't know then and now..
Or maybe I really am just numb to death. But no one else die so we can test it out, ok? That'd be awesome. Everyone keep living.
Ps. Micheal Jacksons death didn't even make me sad.