Adjusting

We've been moving things out, slowly. It hasn't sunk in completely yet. I'm living at Jo-anne's my old manager from Applebees aka my third mother. Which I am ever thankful for.

The hardest part of this is not seeing Jes daily to talk and catch up on the day or playing with that baby and making him laugh.

I wasn't ready to say good bye to both of them yet. And here we are. And it fucking sucks. :(

Edit: No one died, mind you. We're just not living together so I can't see them every day and it makes me sad.

Holy shit! My apartment is on Fire!

Last night I was sitting in my room minding my own business when Jes knocked on my door. "Do you smell that?" she asked me before both of us wandered around the living room sniffing, out in the hallways sniffing and finally towards her room.
She went in her room to check on the baby and opened up her closet door, then her bathroom door and smoke poured out.
She moved things away from the heater thinking her bathmat had caught fire but when everything was ok she looked at me, "Fire. We gotta get out."

I Scooped up the the baby, his blanket and stopped in my room to get my Cell phone, Jacket and purse. I ran outside, wrapping the baby in his blanket and my coat. Dressed in basketball shorts, t-shirt and barefoot I wondered just how bad it was going to get.

Jes ran back in 2-3 times to get the diaper bag, cigarettes for both of us and most importantly- shoes for me. We stood there, watching the fire trucks arrive; wondering if we were going to have anything at the end of the night.

It took 6 hours before we were able to get to our parent's houses. 6 hours of watching them tromp around our apartment. 6 hours of tears, laughter and hugs. They had knocked her window out, and cut holes in our ceiling. (We have skylights now.) After it was all over they let us inside to get some things and even though there was no power I could see how damaged and destroyed everything was.

My belongings are pretty much fine since my bedroom was in the back of the building. Jes' bathroom and closet were right next to the fire. Neither of us have Bathrooms at the moment, her closet was gutted and you can see the studs of the building.

I was lucky, and because of that we can rebuild. We can buy new things. What is important is everyone got out safe, even our fish; Cookie. I spent the night at my moms house and even after a large captain and diet (Yes I saved that from the apartment) I still couldn't stop shaking.

It's sunk in a bit more today, but it probably wont be horrifying until I go back there to gather more of my things.

Oh yeah. It was a GREAT Monday.

An Ode to David

It's not so much a poem.
As sentences with spaces.
The first time I spoke to you,
I was late for work.
Your hair astounded me.
I questioned your sexuality.
You wanted to hit this,
But I wanted the loser nerd from next door.
Bad choice on my part, yes?
But better because if you broke up with me,
I'd have killed you.
Show tunes and curly fries,
Wee hours of the morning.
Dancing, Singing and laughing.
This poem sucks.
But I'll keep going.
It reminds me of you.
The suckiness.
And the fact that it's about you.

We were drunk.
You came out.
I wasn't surprised.
Patti cried.
"Shhh. SHHHH."
Drunk comforting is not my forte.
You are not a ninja.
I love you anyway.
Pasta sauce and a bag of pepper.
Delicious yet it burns.

You got me high, we laughed.
I ate a salami, Chocolate chip cookie and salsa sandwich.
I win at being high.
Naked in pools.
Drunk nights.
Mafia. Myspace. Facebook.
Welcome to my world.

"Show me your scrotum"
They thought it was me.
Laughter. Pwnful. Win.

The men are all ugly,
Come here Gay boy,
lets make out in a closet.
It's like 2 years ago all over again.

French fries. Burgers.
Milkshakes. Other foods.
You ever realize we eat a lot?
This poem is really long.
Its not even a poem.
Its like a lazy blog.
Dedicated to you.
Sorry Readers.
You're welcome Poodle.

Speaking of...
You'll always be my Poodle.
And I'll always be your Pookie.
And I promise when you come to England
We'll be drunk and obnoxious
and I'll make you cook for me.
bring your spring form pan.
BITCH.

LOVE YOU.

Truth Vs. Not True

Truth:

I have been a crappy sister in the past. And I have done more than enough to make up for it.
I have been a shitty daughter in the past, but I have tried and will continue to make up for it.
I have been a shitty friend in the past, but I am re-connecting and making up for it.

Untrue:
That I am a shitty sister, when I try so hard to understand things about you and you go and blame everything on me. Instead of saying what is wrong with US you say everything that is wrong with your life. I can love you unconditionally, but I can't fix the burden you continue to place on my shoulder, and enough is enough. I'm not a shitty sister, so stop blaming your issues on me.

That I am a shitty aunt.
I have four children at the moment who know me as Auntie Jen. There would be a fifth but other reasons prevent it. Those children are my life. The two oldest are the reason I can still laugh and the reason I still try to make something out of myself, to be a good example. And the other two as well, even if they and I are not related. These kids are my reason for doing everything that I do, and being everything that I can be. And making any of them laugh, or smile is the whole reason I haven't given up. So when you sit there and say I'm a shitty aunt, look at who else is involved and question it a bit further. Because there are four kids who look up to me, and laugh with me and are showered with my love and affection..

I am a shitty sister:
I have several siblings who love me. I assumed you were one of them. Lay off the guilt trip, I'm not the person you're fighting. The past is the past, be a man and man up to your mistakes.

I'm a shitty person in general:
Perhaps this is true. But I have people who love me and support me, and for that I am ever thankful. I have people who laugh with me, who joke with me and make me smile. I have people who want to spend time with me, and enjoy it. can you say the same? Probably not. Get over yourself, you're really not that special.

Pat, I love you. But this war you've been fighting your whole life isn't directed at me, Dave or anyone else. You have to grow up and take responsibilities for your actions. And some of them you had, but some of them you're still holding a grudge. We love you, we want what is best for you, and although SOME OF US CANT SAY IT AT TIMES, we do.

I'm your little sister, and I want what is best for you, and maybe I can't fix anything other than your grammar, but know its because I want you to better yourself. It's not because I want to belittle you. And you can think and believe what you want, but I will continue with my battle cry long after you've lost wind.

Because try as you might, I'm far more stubborn than you, and I've always believed you can do better than what you're doing now. That is right, not your but you're As in YOU ARE DESTINED TO BETTER THINGS THAN YOU ARE NOW.

I love you and I'm sorry. But if anyone is going to get through to you, it'll be me. It hasn't happened yet, but it's bound to. Right? I hope so.

Life

Life has kinda thrown me for a loop, nothing bad mind you. Been hanging out at my moms more, which is good because she keeps me in check and tells me when I'm being a complete moron. Which sometimes is a lot more often than I need. She'll sit me down and talk about things, and listen to both sides (Pat..sigh.) and then offer advice and words of wisdom. And I don't say my mom is wise very often, but after so many kids she probably knows us better than we know ourselves.

Since the Emily fiasco of 09' I have found a new bridesmaid, who wears a size 9 so some alterations and the wedding will still be even, which I love. Yay Chantel! I have been babysitting for her, which was exhausting and tiring and what not. Took baby to his first diner, introduced him to yummy cottage cheese and hashrbowns. Been spending more time in the living room with Jes and Homie D thug, and its going to suck to not have a small child to play with whenever I want, but thats life, eh?

Been avoiding any real task, such as packing or sorting things. Which I'm not surprised at. I knew it would be the hardest part, seeing as its the one that sucks the most. "What? I can't possibly throw away this lawn gnome! George is my homie!" And then my mother rolls her eyes and puts him in the keep box. Granted, she may have thrown him away after all. But come on! That lawn gnome is from Crystal's 13th birthday. He's been with me 10 years! HOW DO YOU GET RID OF SOMETHING THAT AWEOSME!?

The other night I got drunk, SHOCK I KNOW, and wanted to watch the princess bride. So I tried to download it. Downloaded a virus instead. Whippee! Computer is fucked. I can still get online, which is great, but can't talk on MSN really, and the Virus scan isn't working.
The cost of having it fixed + Shipping = More than the computer itself cost. So.. yea. 50 bucks for a 600 dollar computer anyone?

vista. Lots of memory and Ram. Will do system restore before you get it. Yeah, cuz I'm awesome.
So yea, John is on the phone now so thats my cue to wrap this up. LATER KIDS.