Today is the day I drive to the city and find out if I get the visa to go to England this summer. I'm absolutely terrified. Which may be the reason I didn't sleep. That and the four shots of espresso I had all day. *cough*
So I have had no sleep, just finished breakfast, am showered and dressed. Even blow dried my hair. (I said after today on Facebook, I'd give up vanity. SORRY.) and everything is together. I have my bank statements, letter from work, lease is in the car, Letter stating I'm loaded is in the purse and more bank statements.
I have 40 minutes till I have to leave. This is a problem. I don't like being late. I am never late because shit like this happens. I wake up early so I have enough time, end up with too much time and then I sit there like a moron twiddling my thumbs and blogging like a tard monkey about nothing just to pass the time and keep my mind off whatever it is I'm waiting for.
And in this case, its my uncertain future.
See, this visa is important. Not as important as the marriage one we're filling out come April, but still important because if I can't get it then I can't go to England. Which means I can't meet his grandma, or his aunt. I can't get to know his family instead of going, "Oh Hay! I'm marrying this member of your family and you have very little idea as too who I am." Goodie!
This is scary as hell. How unfair would be on him if I get denied and I can't flippin' go this summer? I better get it, I blow dried my hair for this shit.
If we get married and every time he wants to see his family he has to go alone, and then later take the kids alone... Well It would suck balls, thats what it would do.
And maybe, just maybe, slowly destroy our marriage because I'm such a fucking retard I can't even travel properly with out getting deported for wanting to not be homeless.
Fucking hell. I'm scared shitless right now. If I was not wearing clean pants, I'd probably drop a load on the couch just to prove a fucking point.
This is why I don't admit my emotions. This is why I don't try new things. I don't change what I eat, read or even wear. Why? Because I end up a raving lunatic who has no idea what she is saying or doing she's closing her eyes and jumping head first hoping and maybe a little praying as well, that it goes the way that would suit everyone best.
I considered baking a cake, but I didn't want to bribe them with baked goods and be refused because they can't accept bribes. It'd be a total waste of cake.
God I'm loonier than the canadian currancy.