Wedding Drama

Hi. Me again. I know, I missed you too. Anyway..

As some of you may have read, I don't speak to my Father's side of the family. I've met them, but I have seen them twice since I was 2 years old. So that's 21 years of no contact at all. Part of it is because my half brother, Pat, is black and my grandma is a racist. Another part of that is because.. Well I'm not sure why.

Now, My dad told me to invite his mom, his three sisters and a few other people. I invited the ones I knew. I also invited his sister Lisa because I was pretty much bullied into it.
My dad has been getting Grief from his mom about me not inviting Julie, my aunt who I have no recollection of.
I threw a fit. I did, I called her and told her "Yes, we're technically family, but these people are strangers." And she's not happy about it.

I have an invitation I changed my mind about and could easily send off to Julie right now, but these people knew where I was. My address hadn't changed since I was 10. so in 13 years a card, a phone call, some sort of effort to be like "Hey, we're family." But instead.. nothing.

And now I'm supposed to invite strangers to my wedding, which has limited space as it is, just because we're related? Uhm. I don't think so.
I want to send the invite just because it keeps teh peace. I don't want to send the invite because I don't know these people and wedding is not a place to get to know me, sorry.

The whole situation is batshit crazy and pissing me off. I wish there was a simple solution to my issue, and I have a feeling I'm just going to cave and send the damn invite to her.


Wendie said...

Invite her. Not because of what it means to you, but because it's your father's sister.

Jennifer said...

DO NOT CAVE. I have family members exactly like yours. Our situation is a little different in the reasoning that we do not speak, but they are just as pushy and demanding. It is YOUR wedding, not your fathers, not your grandmothers. They have no say in who goes to your wedding.

If you give in, they will know that they can control you even more.

I am having the same issue with my future wedding. My father, while somewhat a part of my life, is not someone that I want at my wedding. I have to fight with the decision of whether or not to let him come. I know that I have to stick to my morals and to my guns and tell him no.

Jen said...

My dad is behind me on this. He agrees it's my wedding, and doesn't care. It's my grandma. But on the other hand, all the "Support" she's given me over the years, I don't know why I should bother pleasing someone who could care so little about me and my brother.

Anonymous said...

We don't talk anymore, but inviting ppl sucks. I had to invite all my dads COUSINS! And then my grandma got mad that I didn't invite his cousins CHILDREN! People don't understand that the day is about you, not Great Uncle Roberts nephews kids...it's awful.

big jen said...

Send her the invite but include a note that it is not an invite in which she is invited to attend - you are merely inviting her to be 'in the know' that you are getting married and you will go ahead and mark her as a regrettfully decline as there will be no space reserved for her...

Anonymous said...

I went through the same thing when I got married...ended up inviting them...much to my surprise (not)...they didn't even show up.

W said...

My opinion remains the same. Life is fucking short. Send the invite.

Mire said...

Don't give in. Invite your father and your grandmother, don't invite Auntie Unknown just because dad wants you to.