5:43 Am.. The clock ticks on

I haven't been sleeping lately. Scratch that, I have been sleeping- just not at times that one would deem normal. John left on the 26th and my heart broke. I don't know why, but I haven't been sleeping and I've been in this funk that I can't shake myself out of no matter what I do or try.

I miss him.

I've been drawing more. Not sure why I started again, guess I thought it would make me happy, or smile about something. Nope. I'm constantly reminded that I'm not good, will never be good, or good enough for people around me to like what I've drawn.
I should just stick to writing.

Which is what this is. A fresh start for a fresh new chapter of my life. We're calling it "Year 22." I'm practically a vintage. I feel old. I feel like shit.

And the best part about it all?
I was in the same place I am now 4 years ago. I still have so much growing up to do. I don't know if I can handle all of this. I want to move out, I want a job.. But then I lack the motivation to do anything about it. And sitting in my room all day just makes me sad and angry. I'm lonely and depressed and I can't even be arsed to fix it.

I can't even be bothered to lay down and sleep...

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