Ok, time to talk.

I'm jealous. I read blogs day in and day out, thanks to stumble. I manage to find some I like and bookmark them, checking weekly, some even daily. I see people like EvilBeet make a living off blogging and thrive at it and I get jealous.
I want to write and get paid for it! I want people to hang on my every word and wonder what I'm going to say next. It happens at walmart, but thats only because in a 7 hour day of cashiering I'm pretty much the funniest thing there next to the guy buying the Enema and baby oil.

I need to get back into the habit of writing. I need to start writing constantly, even if I don't feel like it or my idea isn't that good. I'm debating opening another blog just for short stories or writing little tidbits. I normally got my writing out by Mafia.org but now I can't be bothered because the game sucks so bad and the same thing happens time after time.

I wish someone would just knock on my door and tell me I'm brilliant and that they want to publish me. (I wrote punish first, what does that say about my brain?) Frankly, I just want the easy way out. I'm all for writing and writing and writing, it makes me happy. But I'm not ok with the whole "Your writing needs to improve." bit of it. I don't like judgment, not on things that come from my heart.

So my new years Resolution, although a bit late, is to start writing again. Not just writing, but spilling every damn thought that is in my head. Making sure that nothing remains locked inside of me, regardless of how painful it could be to have someone tell me they don't like it.

And the other resolution is to find a fucking writing class online and sign up. I need stimulation, and I need to get back into the swing of things. Because blogging is wonderful, but I'm never going to get a book deal off the shit I Put here.

Wheee!

I unclogged a toliet today! All by myself!

Granted, I probably clogged it all by myself, but lets take a second and be proud of me. I went to ACE hardware and picked up a plunger and drain-o. I beat the clog! I have emerged victorious!

In other news, I can't wait for England. Now that the stress of wondering and the worry is gone, I'm super excited to sleep in a tent! Horrah!

I wish I had more to say, but the urge to write has kinda vanished. It sucks, and I feel bad about it, but until I have something interesting to put here I'm kinda not going to babble on like I am doing right now.

HORRAH!

OH! Im looking for recipes to make while John is here, so If you have a favorite please post it. I do want to try these lemon pancakes I found, and maybe shrimp scampi. But I still need more ideas please and thank you!

Sweet Pampering

Knowing that I have finished two out of my six day work week, I prepared myself for the remaining four days by indulging in a bubble bath that smelt like vanilla cupcakes.
After about 40 minutes of soaking and singing Cher songs at the top of my lungs, I showered and am now sitting in my warm room about to enjoy a cigarette before I get dressed and blow dry my hair.

John is here on the 13th, shame he's going to miss Jesus. (HIDE THE EGGS!) But I have some how managed to get five days off that week by begging and pleading with people I work with. Success is mine.

So while he is here we will plan the wedding, eat home cooked goodies and enjoy our time together while I Slaughter him at video games, drinking games and quite possibly even sex games.

I can not wait.

England

Theres been a few ups and downs regarding my trip to England this summer. But now, now I have nothing to worry about because I can go. They have sent me my visa, and if the buzzer works it should be here later today.
Other wise tomorrow I have to pick it up from the office. But I have the visa, I was approved, and I can stop stressing about it.

After they got all of my paperwork, since I didn't send them a bank statement with my name on it, so I had to fax it the other day... It only took about a day for them to look at it and go, "Yup. She's not poor. Accepted!" which rocks my socks off.

But now, its super early in the morning and I want caffine. I shall continue writing at a later date. Probably after my 6 days in a row at work. You know, since everyone totally works six days in a row. *Slits wrists*

Friendship

Maybe I'm selfish, but perhaps its time for that?

Emily and I made plans a few days ago to go to dinner tonight. She decided to get wasted last night and be hung over this morning. Which is fine, except she's drinking everyday. We worry that I'm an alcoholic, but she puts me to shame.
She bailed on the plans due to last night she got home and decided to fight with her boyfriend about nothing. So instead of me having an awesome fun night with my friend, I had a shitty night sitting at my computer thinking.

Thanks Emily, you know how much I love to think.

So I told her, until the drinking is no longer a problem I can't keep doing this. I look forward to things, and then when I'm told their not happening it's like someone telling me there's icecream only to tell me it's melted right before I get out the scoop. Or something like that.

These three days I have tried to fill my time up with activities, most of which have involved being at my parents house, where I am calm and rational. Where there are people to talk too and bother.
But tonight I'm stuck alone in my room with nothing but the voice in my head to keep me company.
Oh and the captain, which I will be pouring shortly.