Done Vs. Didn't

Things that I have done in the last week

• Laundry.
  
• Dishes
• Cooked
• Read
• Watched TV
• Wrote
• Got addicted to more FB games
• Hung out with my Big sister and her family
• Started smoking again
• Talked on the phone
• laughed
• cried
• danced
• Talked a lot about what needed to get done

What I didn't do this week

• Take advice that I didn't agree with
• Be overly social to pretend I'm ok
• Blog (Except for right now)
• Laugh so hard I cried
• Drink
• Visit my father
• Clean my room
• Put clean laundry away
• sort things so my upcoming exportation is easier
• get pregnant (We're all happy, I assure you.)
• Bake a pie
• Finish cleaning my mother's garage
• feel remorse
• be so depressed that I was holed up in my room.
• go running
• quit smoking
• lose weight

So as you can see, I've been enjoying not doing anything. Which is enjoyable but very unproductive. Gained 10 pounds. Either that or my scale is broken. Not sure which, but either way I'm going to bed early tonight for the first night in a week. I've been staying up late because John and I can't talk on the phone (Phone bill = 300) so he's working days and I'm staying up till 5-7am to chat with him online, and maybe a few times on the phone while I have free nights.
It's hard, I miss him so much.

I was supposed to go out there after he got the apartment, but it seems like such a waste of 800 dollars that could and will be put towards sending my stuff there, having fun with my friends, and apparently now paying my massive phone bill. Its not that I didn't want to go, because I did. But in a week or so I'm going to be out of my mind with stress and each passing day is just going to make it worse.

So it's best that I'm here so I can curl up in a ball and freak out on my bed. Yes. Or you know, get stuff done. But there's always tomorrow, right?